Typical mistakes we make as parents, and how to avoid them.
By Barbara Greenberg, PhD, Teen Parenting Expert
Yep, we all do it. So let's have a little fun looking at our "parent fails"- those moments of parenting gone awry where we had the best of intentions but no guide to tell us exactly what to do. Those "oh no, did I just do that or say that? moments are inevitable if you are a parent who is deeply immersed in the parenting game. And, during this game wrong and awkward moves are bound to happen, REPEATEDLY.
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Here are 5 ways to get your children talking so you can understand what's going on.
You know how to speak with your kid – you talk all the time about school homework, soccer games, and their favorite spaghetti dinner. But how come when your son or daughter comes home from school looking sad, you become speechless? Your eyes open up big and you take a few deep breaths wondering: What in the world do I do now?
My husband and I seem to parent our children differently based on their genders.
My husband and I seem to parent our children differently based on their genders, a tendency I never expected, being the enlightened and empowered woman I am. (“Roar” and all that.) Once we had both a boy and a girl, though, this tendency became obvious.
Can't get your kid to clean up their mess? You're not alone.
Before I had kids, I was so quick to judge. When I would see a child running around the front yard wearing nothing but a diaper in the middle of May, I would scowl. Toy guns were trashy and unacceptable and lawns were meant to be lush and pristine. I would never be the one with the dirty kids and cluttered house, I vowed. I'll be the classy one whose child is always properly clad, grass is well manicured, and house is neat and tidy.
My husband and I would never be cast as the perfect parents in those old TV shows. That's OK.
Here's what I know for sure about parenting: That after 17 years, I don't know as much as I think I do, as much as I'd like. And, that the mental list I keep of my parenting failures continues to grow. Sometimes daily. Failing occasionally is not an option with parenting, it's a given. I'd guess that any parent without a mental "FAIL!" list is basically delusional. Here's a look at what's on my own parenting FAIL list. As of today, that is.
My husband's instinctive, relaxed parenting style has always inspired and influenced me.
When I could barely conceive the meaning of motherhood, Frank slipped seamlessly into fatherhood, showing me what was possible. I'm talking about being a father from the first moment, without faking anything. While I needed months to figure out the motherhood thing, Frank got it—instantly. At 12:59 one snowy night, he was an expectant father, and when his son was born at 1:01, Frank stepped unhesitatingly into fatherhood. Seventeen years later, Frank is still fathering by instinct, still pretty terrific. He's just plain good at his job, maybe because he doesn't really think of it as a job.
How my husband taught me to relax and let go as a parent.
Over time I started to trust my parental instincts in a way I hadn’t before. And as she grew, I marveled at the toddler she turned into: fiery and independent, sure of herself. She knew more of life than her brothers did at that age: she understood she wouldn’t always come first and things weren't always fair and she dealt. I realized my instinctual parenting had unintentionally taught her something: resilience.
When you're always being watched, your kids are gathering lessons... intended or not.
If we teach our children something right, they will fling it back at us, even when we don't want to hear it at the moment. When this happens, I'm secretly sort of proud. I say to myself, well, at least I've done one thing right. I've taught my sons this. Likewise, when I see my flaws taking root in my sons, I'm filled with guilt. You mean I taught them that?
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