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Would I regret it?

Published on October 21, 2012 by jenny0

I'm a 21-year old virgin. I've always wanted to lose my virginity to someone who will be proud to be my first and someone who loves me and would possibly share a good future with me. But I haven't found him yet.

I feel insecure that I won't be good enough in bed because I don't know how to please a man. I'm horny, I masturbate and I know what I like, but I haven't even touched a naked man! I even started questioning myself if it would be better to have sex a couple of times with someone who I know is not a marriage material, but just to practice and be less nervous when the time comes with someone I'm truly in love with.

Would I regret it? Should I keep waiting to have sex until I find the man I am crazy about? Do men really want to marry a "pure" woman, or wold they prefer a girl with some experience?


You've asked several questions here:

  1. Do men care about experience? No, not if you don't talk about it. There's an interesting 52-year-long study of men's and women's preferences in marriage partners, and it shows neither sex cares. However, I think you have to be discreet.

  2. You don't have to work hard to please men. You don't need to practice. Men love sex. All you have to do is be willing and cheerful. He will have a good time. But will he be generous and giving to YOU? Which leads to the next topic:

  3. On one hand you just want to lose your virginity; on the other you want to do it with someone you trust, respect, and want a future with. These are opposite ends of a spectrum. You need to decide which is more important.

Sex with someone who knows and loves you is good. Sex with men who see you as a piece of meat is de-valuing unless you're an emotionless stoic women.

Lots of women pretend to be open to "casual" sex, but they really are secretly disappointed that they didn't find true love. See the fascinating article: "Confessions of an ex-sex kitten" on Oprah's website.

Wait. I know it sounds so cliche but loosing your virginity isn't about the other person - it's about you! You only get to loose your virginity once. I'm someone who was 17 and had never kissed a boy. I remember feeling like the odd one out of friends experience wise. When I lost it at 18 to my first love I didn't think that much of it before hand. I took it seriously and stuff but it wasn't until years later that I could look back and really appreciate that experience. I lost it to someone that made me feel safe and who loved me and who I knew appreciated what a great gift my giving them my virginity was (he had slept with several girls by then mind you and didn't mind my lack of experience at all (in fact I ended up being naturally better at some things than his sluttier ex's so there you go ;)). Loosing your virginity is an important thing and an important thing to do right! Yes it's frustrating being older than the average virgin and the exclusion that can come with that but trust me it is so incredibly worth the wait when you loose it the right way (and by that I mean on the right terms for you and to your ideal). Think about it this way, I (and I'm sure you as well) know plenty of people who regret loosing there virginity (how/where/to whom/under what circumstances, etc) but I don't know a single person who can tell you they regret waiting. (Even to the guy I lost it too there was twice before that night that I almost did and then realized it wasn't time and stopped. All in good time dear.)

I'm not naive enough to demand no pre-marital sex, but I believe you should wait until you find a man you could at least see yourself possibly marrying. You masturbate, so you know about the physical pleasure of sex, but that is just the smaller part of making love - having sex with someone you love is an order of magnitude better than just sex for its own sake. I can't adequately explain, but trust me on this. Having sex with someone you don't love is nothing more than assisted masturbation. Having sex with someone you don't care about just to get rid of your virginity is stupid (sorry for the bluntness).

I'm not saying flat out hot monkey-sex LUST is out of place, but it's SOOOO much better when it's with the person you love. Sometimes you want to take it slow and make it last all day. Sometimes you just want to tear each others clothes off and screw right away in the hallway.

The number one trait we men treasure in a woman in bed is enthusiasm - the fact that she not only is looking forward to sex like a kid looks forward to Christmas morning, but that a large part of the reason she's looking forward to it is because it's with US specifically (not some other guy). We want to be your choice. As long as you're not causing physical pain, we don't mind if you're not already an established master of the Kama Sutra. If you're into him and he's into you, and you're each putting an honest effort into giving each other pleasure, that's all that matters to him

You know what you like physically to make you feel good and reach an orgasm. Find a man you love and care for, then tell/show him what you like, and encourage him to communicate his desires and pleasures to you.