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Wishy Washy

Published on June 5, 2010 by vbdoll12

The relationship that I'm in then not in but yet still in it at the same time is confusing me. One second everything is perfect. The next second he feeds me the line that he thinks that it might be best if we are friends, but after we have the "just friends" conversation nothing changes. He still calls me to check in to see how my day was if I didn't see him. He still wants to do things just me and him. He even invited me out to breakfast to meet one of his friends that he knew in college. Also, the people that are around us during the day treat us like we are a couple even when we are "just being friends." They can't even tell the difference. This "friends" state last for a short amount of time; then we have a moment that I don't really know how to explain but it just feels right. Then I get the line about how much he does care about me and he really wants to see where this is going. This has turned into a cycle. I'm trying to understand why he is doing this. He has told me that the way he feels for me is different than he as felt for anyone else. I do believe that he is being honest with me when he tells me things. I just don't understand why he keeps flipping back and forth between more than friends and friends. Because of this back and forthness, I am starting to wonder if he is telling me the truth, and I don't like that I do that. I think this would be a lot easier if I didn't have strong feelings for him, and I do think what we have together is special. I want him in my life. I do want to stick with being more than friends. But, I need some consistency. Why his he doing this? Is he scared? How can I get him to see how much I care about him? Or rather how do I get him to make a decision? Any insight on this would be helpful.


Well, it sounds like he has feelings for you, otherwise, I don't think he would be introducing you to his friends.

There could be a deeper reason for him not wanting to fully commit to you. I would have a heart-to-heart conversation with him and share with him that you feel confused and need clarity on which direction the relationship is going. You need to find a way to respect his feelings, and although you may not want to give up on the relationship, you do need to set some boundaries to respect yourself.

You will never have the power to change anyone else, so you must change yourself if you want the situation to improve.

Best of luck.