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Will I ever trust him again??

Published on April 15, 2012 by tricia2913

My then boyfriend, now fiancé told me a few lies in the beginning of our relationship. When we first started dating, I found out that he lied to me twice about having money. He told me he had a lot of money in a account, and that he could have access to it, whenever he wanted to. So we his money situation became rit, I advised him to look into taking some money out. He did and was told he'd lose out on money by taking money. But he said he'd do it anyways. Needless to say, i found out he had no money put away.

The second time he lied to me, it was about him smoking. He told me he was going to quit. So I believed him. We went to the mall one day, and he dropped me off at the door. It took him longer than usual to park, so when he came in to the store I was in, he reeked of smoke. So I asked him, if he smoked, and he flat out lied. I then processed to leave the store because I knew he lied. He then came clean and told me he did

So now it's been a constant battle of me accusing him of smoking. He says he still wants to quit, but when we get into a fight, regardless of whatbits about, he always goes out and smokes. He never lies about it when he does. But in my mind I'm deathly afraid of him smoking behind my back. We he comes home from work, he smells like smoke when he talks, and I can smell it on his fingers. He says he goes outside when his guy friends smoke, and he breathes in the secondhand smoke at time, but that's it. He told me plain and simple that if he smokes, he'll tell me.

That's all fine and dandy, but I still feel like he's lying to me. I can't shake that gut intuition feeling that I have. Especially since I smell it. We are getting married in 2 months, and this is going to tear us apart. We fight constantly because of it. I even told him I want to set up a lie detector test, and he's all for it. I try to watch his body language, and I try to look at his eye movement etc and I just don't know.

Please help me. I just don't know what to do.......

ANSWERS

As Maya Angelous says, "When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time." He lies to you, so he's a liar. If smoking is a dealbreaker to you, you never should have started dating him in the first place. The purposed of dating is to find a man who you don't want to change. He meets all of your main needs in the present. Why would you marry someone on such shaky ground? If you're always arguing, it probably means you two arent' compatible, and love is never enough. Sounds like your the parent and he's the kid, trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Unless you two seek counseling, your marriage will be a disaster. If counseling doesn't work, don't think of it as a failure. Sometimes people just don't gel. Good luck.

I'm not sure whether you should end this relationship or not. Some of it depends on you and some on him.

You cannot stand smoking, which is a 100% legal activity in America. AND you cannot give him the freedom to make his own choice about it, then you need to end the relationship.

You either love a man with a bad, unhealthy, and self-destructive habit or you don't. You have to decide which. If you love him heart and soul, you have to stop nagging and never say another word about it.

As far as the money goes. I hope he learned his lesson. I would forgive him but watch and see if it is a pattern.

I dont want to sound bitchy or anything but its simple really. You know he smokes cause you can smell it and you know he goes out for a ciggie after a fight and it doesnt sound to me like hes done anything to try and stop so you decide, can you stand him smoking? Do you want to marry a man who smokes? You have two months to decide. Good luck

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