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Our first invitation to you is this... Get clear about what you can reliably know about your wife's "nasty habits." You can probably pretty clearly see her "shake her butt" in front of other guys, but can you know who she lusts after or what she thinks about during sex?

It could be that she shares her thoughts with you, but it's important to be sure about this. Make sure this isn't just jealousy talking.

If you have reliable and verifiable proof that she is flirting with other men, then talk with her about this. Without accusing or blaming, tell her how you feel when she does a specific behavior. The more specific you can be, the better.

For example, rather than tell her you want her to "stop flirting," you might say to her, "I feel worried that you will cheat when you shake your butt for another guy."

Do what you can to keep the conversation open and ask her to create some agreements with you that will make it clear what's okay and what's not in terms of interacting with other people. These agreements need to apply to you too. Notice it when she keeps an agreement.

If she is consistently not keeping your agreements or if she is unwilling to stop the flirting, then it might be time to consider whether or not it's wise for you to stay in the marriage.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Collins

If she's enjoying some harmless (i.e. it isn't going anywhere and just adds to her excitement) fantasy or naughtiness, I'd say try to roll with it and let her have some fun as long as you're the one she's going home with. If it's not harmless or is something in which you don't care to play, tell her it makes you uncomfortable and nicely ask her to stop for your sake. If she refuses or agrees but doesn't stop, see a couples marital counselor - something's gotta change.

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