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Wife has no interest in sex

Published on March 29, 2011 by niceguyhubby

What can I do? After three kids, my wife has zero libido, and no interest in finding one. As far as I know, she's never had an orgasm, and gets furious if I suggest a toy, porn, lingerie, or erotica. She says she's happy and I should either get used to it or get out. I love her, but I'm frustrated that I can't make her happy; so sex is a constant source of frustration boredom and anxiety.

Blue in NJ


Wow ! . . . you have my sympathy. Your wife sounds angry if your characterization is close to actual. Is she pissed off at her own lack of desire or something else? I dont recommend an affair but porn may be your best friend (the court will KILL you with child support if you divorce after you cheat and she finds out). You didnt mention her age but I am guessing around 40 so she may be experiencing peri-menopause which can cause the lack/loss of libido. I hate to say it but this may be your life from here on out (at least until the kids are over 18).

Have you considered asking her if she would be interested in going to marriage counseling? No sex when one partner wants it and the other does is an unrealistic expectation for a marriage. Perhaps if you get into counseling as a couple then you can find out what is the root cause of her lack of desire. It may be physical or emotional or a combo of both.

If she refuses to go to marriage counseling then you should still go on your own because a marriage isn't just about one person and their needs and it may help you make some decisions as to where your future lies.

Good luck and I look forward to hearing an update!

I'm sorry, but I don't think porn is the answer to your problem. I think you should definitely try marriage counseling, and your wife should make sure that there isn't a physical reason for her low libido (hormones, thyroid, etc.). Do you think that the more you pressure her, the more she's pushing away? That's the picture I got from your description. My advice would be to address it in terms of wanting to be intimate with your wife--expressing your love for each other physically--instead of focusing on the sex act itself (sex toys, porn, etc.). Good luck to you. I hope you can revive your sex life and strengthen your marriage!

my last girlfriend was a mother of 3, and she was very open about things most people dont discuss in polite company, and she LOVED sex. I will share with you what she told me when i complained that she bruised my manhood.

She told me that with a lot of childbirths these days they cut a small part of a womans vaginal ring (i dont know if thats the right word but it will do) or it stretches to accomidate, and its sort of like cutting/stretching a rubber band.

now, as it was explained to me a lot of a womans pleasure from insertion comes from pressure on that ring. and she went on to tell me that a lot of women lose sexual enthusiasm after childbirths because their ring is either cut or stretched out. Thus losing out on a lot of their former glories.

There are exercises that women can do to bring tension back to her lady parts and increase her own satisfaction.

If you approach this subject CAUTIOUSLY and VERY VERY VERY CAUTIOUSLY approach this subject with the UPMOST CAUTION, you may find her enjoying sex a lot more, did i mention CAUTION?

Hope this helps man.

Have you ever heard of The five languages of Love? here is a site that you help you figure out what your love language is and what hers is. Hopefully this will help you both. There is a book available to help you understand how this works, It is very helpful. Good luck!