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Why wouldn't he answer me when I asked if he ever had feeling for me?

Published on May 8, 2010 by raven

I tried to go back to being just friends I am finding it hard to but I know in time it will happen. I sent him a funny video and he messages me back thanks I needed that today. We play phone tag, then he calls we talk laugh. He mentions something that he will tell his mom something I said "tomorrow" (his mom lives with him) so later in the conversation I ask him what he is doing tonight (he lives over 2 hrs away and I wasn't asking for us to get together it was just a question) he said Oh me (insert new GF name here) are going to see some friends play at a bar. Now he knew that would upset me. So I mention a guy that has been calling me for a date, then like an idiot I tell my old love how I really don't like this new guy that I like him more and how I know he doesn't like me and one day he is going to know how freaking adorable I am and it will be too late. Now I am saying this like I'm joking and he is laughing. But he tells me to not beat myself up to much about all of this (why would I beat myself up when I did nothing wrong). And how he does too like me. I told him you may but not in the way I want and I just get better with commitment. He laughs.

I had plans on going to see him play locally in two weeks now I am so ashamed and embarrassed to see him, just because I know I inflated his ego.

Things changed with us so fast, one minute everything was going in one direction then out of no where he changed. Because I never showed him I was falling for him (I guess the sex didn't count) by telling him verbally, but he didn't either. Yes he would take me to dinner, movie, brought me a sound system and install it, called me message me. So I was waiting to hear it from him first. Because I didn't want to get rejected. I go out to see him play, men notice me. When one asked if I was dating a member in the band? I said no we are just friends, then he said do you always kiss your male friends like that, my reply was Well I guess we are friends with benefits. When I told my old love this, he started acting more distant. Then after two weeks I tell him we need to go back to being friends and he said "No it is all good. I've met someone here at home. In the past couple weeks we've talked about seeing each other exclusively and have made a decision to not see other people. Still just taking it very slow and relaxed. She is nice and what I like about her most is that she likes me to. I feel there is enough there that I would like to only see her and in time see what might develop."

My thought was What the HELL you like her because she likes you? I call him and he tells me he has known her for over a year. He tell her that he is seeing someone in City but it's not serious. He tell me that I'm not the "one" My thought was I wasn't ready to be the one I wanted to see where we were going first.

I message him more than once telling him that for a moment I thought I noticed he was starting to feel more for me or was I just kidding myself. He wouldn't respond, he would answer all the other BS just not that. My thought was "Well it must be he never did and just doesn't want to hurt my feeling" Then I had a light bulb moment. He doesn't want to hurt my feelings like Hell, that didn't stop him from telling me 1.your not the one. 2. I like her because she likes me too. 3. He's seeing someone but it's not serious. 4. He has known her over a year. 5. Throwing his relationship in my face when he didn't have to tell me they were going to a bar, he could have just said he was hanging out with some friends tonight. If he truly wanted to spare my feelings.

  1. Does any of this ring a bell of truth with anyone?
  2. Do you believe he had feelings, got hurt and moved on to this woman that he has known for a year?
  3. Why now after almost a year she is the "one"?
  4. Why would he say all those hurtful things and still not answer my question Where you starting to have feelings for me or was I just kidding myself?
  5. Do I try to stay in touch with him as a friend? Because I do care for him, but I'm getting over him more and more each day.
  6. Do I wait and let him call me first?
  7. I thought I would take him back but now I don't know if I want anyone that is can move on so fast.

I am tired of all this BS and after tonight as much as I love and care for him I really think we are thru if we were ever truly together.

This man is 50 never married, never lived with anyone and I think the longest relationship he has had is approx 2 yrs The last 4 relationships he has been in (if you can include me) has been with women that are separated. 1. never really was separated really she wanted to have her cake and eat it to, this one he claimed to be having a hard time getting over her. 2 Was separated and the two of them were house shopping until she decided to go back to her husband. 3. I am getting a divorce and it's in the works as we speak. 4. This new woman's husband got someone pregnant and is moving to another state but no paper filed as far as I know.

Anyone want to take a stab at answering this mess?


The issue here is that when you two agreed to be friends, what friends meant to you and what friends meant to him was completely different. Friends to you mean that you would still be like dating, you would be close and still have a hold on him. Friends to him meant, he was moving on and he'd still hang out with you but you no longer have a hold on him.

If he wanted to get back together with you he would have a while ago, it seems like you've been available to him and you aren't playing hard to get. The hard truth is, that for whatever reason, he doesn't want to get back together with you and he avoided answering that question because he doesn't want to go there with you anymore.

Let this man go. You want someone who will pursue you, not someone you have to pursue and play games with.