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Why my ex already has a new girlfriend when he was the one who didn't want to be in a relationship?

Published on November 3, 2009 by yupita

We were together for three years. He always said he wasn't ready to commit to our relationship or any other one. During the three years we split for 3 other occasions and he always made me promise to be his friend even if we've ever broke up. This time the break up was for real, it has been less than three months and i just found out he is seeing someone else. The day he broke up with me, he told me he didn't want to date anyone, he was tired of not being single for a while and he needed to take care of his family and work issues he was having at that time. He also told me, he was going to be there for me, always. After a couple of weeks, I sent him a text message to see if he wanted to go to the movies, just like friends. He answered me that he wasn't ready that he needed time and to please not to call him or text him until I have no feelings for him. Until this date I never tried to communicate in any way with him. Once I saw him in the street and he came up to me and said hi and told me that I look very happy, he gave a hug and left.

Need help, I still have feelings towards him and it hurts me knowing that he is dating someone, and I haven't been able to move on. It hurst knowing that he hasn't tried at all to call me or see me after having a relationship of 3 years.

Our relationship was rocky at moments but, we were very close, very good friends, I could say that there was a lot of love between us. We cared a lot for each other.


To me, it sounds like he got bored. Many men, and even women, love someone, but after a few years they find that they are bored with the same person everyday. If he's under 30, I would be willing to bet that this is it. It sucks. I had the same thing happen, except he started dating my best friend a month later. All I can say, is to stay hopeful. Eventually, all people, men and women, realize what's really important, and that there isn't always "something better" out there. Hang in there. -M.E.

He lied to you. That is about as plain as it can be. You ARE better off without him. Like the person who commented before me, he may have gotten "bored" he may have met someone else, who knows but the bottom line is he wasn't mature enough to tell you the truth. It may be harsh to some to hear that but I think it is much worse to use others just because someone doesn't want to be "alone."
Now, it is time for you to look within and focus on YOU. It is time for you to start letting this guy go and maybe, in time, keep a place in the recesses of your mind and heart for him but be aware that by focusing your energy on him, you are not leaving any room for someone better to come along and yes, there IS someone better for YOU.
I had the same thing happen to me as what you've described and I have to say that whilst I try to keep a balanced, positive outlook on life, I did feel a need to feel smug when after the guy I was seeing gave me the "I'm-not-ready-for-a-relationship, blah, blah,blah" and then he went with someone else about a month later, he ran into me about 6 months after that and made it clear to me that he felt he'd made a mistake. I laughed about that and said, "I've moved on." What else can you do, really? HE made the choice and like the guy who broke up with you, HE will have to live with his decision.

Make yourself happy. Make yourself laugh and someone will come along who is ready, willing and able to be in a relationship with you.

Who needs a scaredy cat who uses the "let's be friends" speech when he knows he's just saying it because he's a coward who can't be alone?