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Why is my boyfriend so nervous and how can I fix it?

Published on October 22, 2012 by meadowvole4231

I've known my boyfriend since elementary school, and we've liked each other for a year. We recently started dating, and he starts shaking and stammering every time we talk. It was adorable at first, but now it's getting to the point where it's annoying. I told him to not to get nervous around me already. Everyone is saying just wait, and I get that, but is there any way that I speed up the process?


You can't tell someone not to get nervous around you (well - you CAN, but it won't work). A dating relationship is far different from even a long-standing and well-established friendship relationship.

Especially if you are his first romantic relationship, he IS nervous and it will take him some time to settle down. I don't know how you can really speed this along, but I do know that displaying annoyance and frustration with this will have the opposite effect of what you want.

What may help calm him down is to have more physical contact with him. NOT sex (pushing into that will send his nervousness into a full-blown panic) - just the soothing comfort of physical contact with you. Sit next to him, lean up against him, simply hold him. Snuggle with him while watching TV.

If your boyfriend actually shakes and stammers when you two talk I think his struggle is more then just a case of the nerves. He may actually be struggling with an anxiety disorder such as a social phobia or a bad case of generalized anxiety disorder. If this is so the best thing you can do is support and encourage him to get professional help. Telling him not to get nervous will not work because he can't help it. You will actually make him feel worse by saying that. Tell him you enjoy his company and that you want to see him be his best. Encourage him to see a professional.

I would recommend that you do some research and find a specialist in "social anxiety" and "social phobias" in your state.

I had a friend with the same problem and asked a number of doctors and psychologists for a recommendation. Remarkably one of the finest research centers in the U.S. (UC San Diego) was only 3 miles from her apartment. I would contact them and see if they have a referral for a specialist in your area.

People with debilitating social anxiety can be helped, and often, if treated early can overcome it. My friend is much better today.