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why does my ex keep in touch and check up on me

Published on November 13, 2009 by tangoexpress

we split up about 2 weeks ago after a year of goin steady the problem is i have depression and she calls and txts me every day if im on msn she has to get me to put my cam on so she can see me im so so messed up i really love her and i know she loves me and cares for me or why would she do this she has told me she still has strong feeling for me but needs to sort her head out and it is really hurting me knowin she is goin through this alone like me

ANSWERS

You don't give the reason why you broke up with her, but I'll work with what you stated. You really don't need to be in communication with her right now. The breakup is way too fresh. Nothing good can come of this. Whatever the reason for the breakup, you're hurting. You don't need to keep talking to the person who you're hurting over. It's counterproductive, and it's not what you need right now. If there's a chance that the relationship can be worked on, I don't believe that it should happen when both of you are not emotionally stable. Neither of you are thinking with clear heads right now.

If you're going to talk to anyone, talk to a counselor about your depression. If you attend church, try to talk to a pastoral counselor. If not, then most jobs have an EAP (employee assistance program) that allows a certain amount of visits per year.

You would be best served by getting professional help. Talk to someone who can be totally objective in this. Good luck to you.

tbone has it right.

If she broke up with you so that she can straighten out whatever it is that she is dealing with mentally or emotionally then the worst thing she can be doing right now is keeping in contact with you. Likewise, it obviously isn't helping you out either. As tbone suggested, go and talk with someone who is trained to handle something like your depression, and advise your ex to do the same. Nothing says you can't get back together after she has sorted herself out, and I fully understand your position having had to do the same thing...let her go so she could get her life back on track.

I knew that keeping in touch with her would have been counter productive to what she wanted for herself, so I completely cut off all ties for the first month and a half, and I told I her I would as well. Its not easy, especially when you are hurting. But if you really do care about her that much then let her know you will not speak with her, see her, IM her, or anything else with her for however long you believe it should be.

Then go speak to someone and try to get yourself right so that you aren't a mess when she is ready to start things again.

Yes, there is always the chance that one or both of you will move on from the other one by doing all this...but even that is still better than you both continuing to just hurt each other like this. This is were loving someone gets really tough, because it isn't always about what is best for you...a lot of times its about what is best for them.

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