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Why does my boyfriend only wants oral sex?

Published on July 25, 2009 by justwondering

I've been dating this guy for 5 months. Our first "intimate" act was me giving him oral sex. Over the past 5 months we have had intercourse once, and it seemed forced and he seemed very uncomfortable with it. He has tried to give me oral twice but again it seem obligatory and forced, I was looking at him and he was looking at me. and I knew he didn't want to do it. I think he only attempted to do it, to make sure I would keep doing him. I love making him feel good, and I know he enjoys oral sex, several times he has said to me that he actually cries when he comes, and I see him literally wiping the tears from his face. But it seems like the more I give it to him the more he wants it. I know it is the root of a lot of our arguments, because I am totally frustrated with our sex life. We spend a lot of time together (dinner, plays, etc.), but at the end of the day, he can barely get in the house before he's ripping his clothes off expecting oral sex (we do not live together). We've had a few civil conversations about it; he told me that he thought that oral sex was all I wanted during one conversation. Then the next time he told me that he has always enjoyed oral sex better than intercourse. The last conversation was not so civil to say the least, I blew a gasket. He was erect, I asked him could we have "intercourse this time" he laughed (I have no idea why) but I asked him 3 times, he said "Lay down" I did, threw up my legs and he said "Oh Stop, You knew I was kidding, that is GROSS!" I was devastated. I went ballistic! I am very fit, and work out everyday, I work very hard to look absolutely exquisite every time we go out. I am always complimented by both men and women. He always admires me when I'm dressed, I think I look just as good if not better un-dressed. What in the world is his problem? I'm in my late 40's, he's in his late 50's, if oral sex is only thing he likes, will he change? Or should I just move on?


RED FLAG! RED FLAG! My sister had this SAME problem. She was seeing this guy and he was an oralholic. They were engaged to be married, and she was willing to sacrifice her own enjoyment because she "loved" him. Turns out, the reason he thought vagina was "gross" and only liked her to give him oral was that he was "bi-sexual" (read: homosexual), It is wholly abnormal for a straight male who is confident in his sexuality and prowess to be offended by your ladybits. I'm NOT saying your guy isn't straight, but what I AM saying is he probably has some deep-seated reason why he won't regularly have intercourse with you, and it ain't gonna change.

Sit down for one final discussion and ask him why you can't have intercourse as often as oral, if he doesn't give you a reasonable (in your eyes) answer, it's time to go find someone who will please you as much as you please them.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him. You are never going to be satisfied if he doesn't like intercourse. I would be very perturbed by a guy his age who thought women's genitals were gross. I don't think you're going to change him, but you can give him one last chance to explain what's going on with him. Then you can decide if you want to go into therapy with him - and I think he needs therapy unless he's just gay.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful answers. nubiancoco, I've been "suspect" of him for some time. Of course the "oral" thing would make you suspect, but he's kinda well...."prissy". The whole situation was so foreign to me, I shared everything with one my very close girlfriends.

It is my staunch practice to never ever share my sex life with anyone, I think it's private and personal, but I was totally dumbfounded. Hence the reason I sought out help here as well, and again, thank you all so much! And the the first thing I asked her, after she met him was "Do you think he's on the Down-Low?" All she would say is that she thought he was nice. But the look on her face said different...He is an extremely sharp dresser, always well put together, nails always manicured...

Black Iris, we've actually had 3 talks about it, 2 very calm talks, one not so calm. Several times in the past I called and texted him and told him how much wanted to be with him (I specificed, I needed intercourse before he arrived to make sure he knew what I wanted). He would respond favorably and come over and still only want oral. The longer we saw each other the worse it became, to explain this?

It wasn't even part of foreplay or anything like that, there wasn't any mutual anything, he would basically just walk in and want it, and want it bad. He even said it was like he was addicted. And that's exactly how he acted, and he would be downright nasty and rude if he didn't get it. He didn't want intercouse instead or oral, if he didn''t get oral he would just get extremely angry and storm out.

Symian, I actually said to him during our last talk that I thought I could stay with him, even with this "issue" because I cared so much for him. I told him I kinda viewed him as someone that was physcially handicapped and just couldn't have intercourse, he was enraged. I told him it was the ONLY thing I could do to explain his actions, or lack thereof. But then when he said "Gross!" well all hell broke lose.

Sorry this is so long, but I thank you so much for all your honesty and compassion. Thanks again!

have you ever considered he may have homosexual feelings towards men, and the idea of having sex in a vagina with a woman may be gross to him. The oral sex may be great because this can be done bu a man too and it gets the same sensations.?? Something to think about. I would, nt waster any more time on this one. Point balnk ask him , if he doesn't answer right away, you got your answer. Besides if he said it was gross to have sex with you, WHY AE YOU STILL THERE???? YOU CAN FINS SOMEONE WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU AND BE CONSIDERED BLESSED TO HAVE YOU IN THIER LIFE AND GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE YOU DESERVE. THERE ARE ALOT OF MEN OUT THERE, DON'T SETTLE FOR A PIG. GET SOMEONE WHO WILL GIVE YOU THE EMOTIONAL AND SENSUAL HAPPINESS YOU DESERVE.