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Why do women go after the "other woman" when their man cheats?

Published on April 21, 2009 by brokenglass911

I've never understood this. You're in a relationship with HIM. HE cheated. I just read a ? on here about a woman "catching a simple assault charge" after one of the times her husband cheated on her. Whats the deal? Why go after the other woman? Why not go after your boyfriend or spouse?


I AGREE!! Women like to attack other women and not the man who is just as responsible, if not more. It's like women think if no other woman slept with their man than he'd be faithful. That is such twisted thinking. I want my guy to be faithful because he IS FAITHFUL not because he has a lack of options.

I put a slightly lengthy answer to this in the "Flirting with Married Men" article as to why I think it happens, but I'll try to encapsulate this. If we blame the person outside of the relationship then we don't need to look at what is wrong with our partner or ourselves. Its an escape tactic to avoid our own relationship issues. I've had a couple girlfriends that cheated on me, some with multiple partners. Because of the way I am I never looked at what the deal was with the other guy, but what was wrong with us, with her, or with myself. In all instances I've learned something new, either about an issue I need to deal with (sometimes just wanting to be with someone versus holding out and being with someone worthwhile), or personal red flags to see in partners (such as their tendency to look over my shoulder when I'm emailing someone and obviously reading it out of more than curiosity). I don't like my issues getting in the middle of my relationships so I tend to analyze and work towards eliminating those issues.

Why does the "other woman" hurt the wife or girlfriend? Assaulting someone physically is wrong, but why wouldn't they want to at least hurt the feelings of someone who has hurt them? They can still get mad at their husbands or boyfriends, too.

People are always saying, well, he's the one who cheated and it drives me mad. Yes, the one in the relationship is the one lying and breaking promises, but both people in the affair are hurting someone else.

Anyhow if the cheating husband or boyfriend is a terrible person who should take all the blame, why isn't the other woman mad at him? Why does she think he's a good person? What excuses is she making for him? If she thinks he's not so evil, why wouldn't his wife or girlfriend agree? He loves her, he's built a life with her, she loves him - why would she have a lower opinion of him than the "other woman" does?

In the end, though, I just think people aren't always rational.

I think that it's the fear of losing the partner. Many women think that if he cheated, she's the blame. If she "attacks" the other woman, then the man is free to "come back and make it work", and feel no fear of attack or the need to make himself better.

If the man is blamed, then he may actually leave for the person he cheated with or for that matter another person. Who knows how many other partners the cheater may have?

relationships are difficult, and women try so hard, and if some have a partner, they will do almost anything to keep the relationship solvent, including blaming the wrong party.

I was five months pregnant with our second child when I caught him cheating, I kicked him out and we were separated for 9 months over the issue Personally, I hate the other woman who came into our relationship. At first I blamed him because when I spoke to her she claimed to have no idea about his family at home, yet she still chased after him even we we were back together. I would call her and tell her to stay away and she would act all innocent, this skank never quits! She even admitted he is not the first man she has been with that had a family at home. Personally I wish the worst on her and her horrible immoral life. She has suddenly popped up in town again on vacation now that we are expecting our third child and here i am just waiting to kick him out again. The reason I place more blame on her than him is that he would not cheat if not heavily encouraged to do so by her, if someone is placing free pussy in a man's face he will eventually give in. I try with him mostly because we have children. Perhaps the idea of a committed relationship is simply to much to ask of a man, still I bet he would hate it if I went out for some strange.