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Why do I feel like this?

Published on April 2, 2012 by selam

Long story short: I have a friend who I had a crush in high school. Senior year, he started dating this girl and she has since become one of my best friends. During this time, my feelings for this person changed. It became less of a crush and more of a sibling relationshipt. My friend and this guy dated for about 5-6 years and then broke up in 2007. Two weeks ago, I realized that he and I have begun dating.

We went to lunch one day and I went back to his place to play games. We played games it was fun and I went home. That Friday, he invited me over for pizza and beers. It was later on that I leaned forward to set my beer down and when I sat back, I had an arm around me. I quickly realized that I needed to talk to my friend about this before anything happened and when I did speak to her about it the following week, she gave me her blessing and hoped it all works out for us.

We have hung out a few times since then and I am very confused about where my feelings lie for this guy. We have the same since of humor, we get along well, and he's good-looking. But, I just don't understand why I'm not ridiculously happy about us. My heart doesn't go pitter-patter when I'm with him. I have become hyper aware of things that didn't care about when I was with him before like the fact that I really need to lose about 20-30lbs and the silence that I now find awkward.

So, I'm at a crossroads. Part of me is saying I need to give this more time, that I'll find something that'll switch that crush feeling back on and everything will fall into place. Another part of me is saying that I'm just not that into him as more than a friend and that I should put an end to it now. I haven't had a boyfriend in going on 6 years and haven't had sex with anyone either during this time. I've become very used to having my alone time and relying on nobody but myself.  I want to think that I'm just thinking about this too much, but I'm also afraid that I might be settling for someone that I'm just comfortable with for the sake of being with someone. Which a few months or so ago, I would have been a-okay with, but now that I am in this place, I'm worried I am not thinking clearly.

I guess what I'm asking is, what would you do in this situation? This was way longer than I planned on it being...


Some of the best relationships start as friendships. Now that he's available you are getting insecure about your weight and how you come across. That shows you care what he thinks.

If I were you, I would say this to myself over and over: I have all of the time in the world to make a good choice in a man. There's no deadline. It's okay for his feelings and mine to be uncertain for a while. If he truly loves me, he won't care about my weight and he won't care about the silences. In fact, he will think they are part of my charm."