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Why do I feel so stuck?

Published on April 7, 2010 by fesser

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can not emotionally let go of the last guy I was seeing it was over more than three years ago and I still miss him. I feel like a part of me is missing. Deep down he is the one I want to talk to at the end of a bad day, the shoulder where I want to rest my head, the one I want to laugh with... But things just don't work between us and I know I should move on. And I have tried but nothing seems to work.

Every guy I meet or talk to doesn't seem to hold my interest enough to consider dating them. I feel overwhelmed often enough that almost every day I find myself wishing I could just lay my head on his shoulder just long enough to find my sense of balance again. I am lonely and miserable and I still miss him. Counseling hasn't helped, medication hasn't helped, moving hasn't helped, switching careers hasn't helped...So what is wrong with me that I feel so stuck? Why can't I just let him go and move on? Why do I have to be so screwed up?

ANSWERS

What do you want the answer to be? That he is the one and you should go after him?

I am not trying to be mean, but very honestly it seems like you want to be hung up on this guy, because you only want him. And if that is how you have your mind made up then nothing is going to change it.

As long as you romanticize him and obsess over him, you won't be able to move on. It seems like you've decided that you are going to hold onto him and nothing anyone else says or does is going to convince you to let go. The only person who can convince you is you and you don't seem to want to do that.

If I were you, I'd examine the reasons why you are holding onto the memory of him. Is it because you think you are in love? What is stopping you from trying to make it work with him again?

It sounds like in your mind you've put this guy on an idealistic and unrealistic pedestal. Reality check, he isn't all that great. He isn't the know all end all of your life. You need to realize that you do have control, more so than you think. You are obsessing in a very unhealthy way. It's been 3 years, get over it. Honestly. The reason you can't date anyone else is because you keep comparing them to this other guy instead of trying to get to know them, you shoot them down because they aren't your fantasy man. And that's all he is at this point. A fantasy. You just need to wake up and face reality. Take control of your life. He doesn't define you.

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