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Why did I tell my wife I think about other women?

Published on April 10, 2009 by benbree

My wife and were talking about a friend of hers who learned that her husband strayed. I mentioned to her that I sometimes have thoughts when I see a particularly tight butt, just the right eyes or have an engaging conversation about nothing with another woman. Why did I tell her this? Was it to give me an excuse if something happens in the future? I do not think so but I want those junior, senior and professional psychologists to let me know why one does this. My wife took it well – I talk to her about everything. I always have. What do you think? Did I make a mistake? Is honesty the best policy?


You are admitting that you are a man and a human. That's all. No, you don't have an excuse if you cheat later on, so forget it.

You told her because you love her and you have a trusting relationship. You told her because on some level it can deepen your relationship to share intimate thoughts, even if they are about other people because it relieves the anxiety of having those thoughts in the first place. Honesty is not always the best policy, and what we think, as long as it doesn't translate into action, does not need to be shared. But if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship that is not ridden with jealousy, then sharing is an amazing addition to it. It would be pretty bad if you told her so you would have an excuse because telling her does not give you an excuse.

Congrats! You're human. I don't see a problem with this. Majority of everyone looks at or thinks about someone other than their S.O., but only few are brave enough to admit it. I commend you.

People, lets not forget one very important fact - we are all human!!! We came with all kinds of emotions and feelings. I think your wife should be able to get over this and understand where you are coming from and if not she's not as truthful as you would hope she'd be. I can understand her anger if you said you'd cheated; but that you sometimes think about other people? If she has a true and real outlook on life, she should be able to get over that. But now that you know how she'll react, just keep your thoughts to yourself from now on.