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Why did this guy disappear on me?? I would LOVE some feedback!

Published on June 4, 2010 by anonymousone

I would love feedback on my situation (or lack of it...)!

This is kind of long, but I'm starting from the very beginning since the background is relevant, I think. Anyone who is good at figuring out complicated dating/relationship puzzles will probably love this one! I'm kind of clueless... I just think that for some reason this guy lost interest, but I"m wondering why... OK so here's the story:

I met a guy who is a bit older than me (30ish - I'm 25) about a month and a half ago, and he initially asked for my number because he said he might have a car to sell me. I gave him my number and didn't think twice about it or him. A few days later he called me to ask if I was still interested in the car - I told him that I was busy, but could come see it later that week. A few hours later I got a text from him asking if I received texts, and we began texting... He later told me that the car wasn't good for selling, but continued texting.. just about random stuff, asking me about myself and etc.

The first Sat after he began texting, he asked me to go to a casual outing with him (sorry I don't want to be too specific, I'm paranoid about privacy lol)... I told him I couldn't go bc it was finals week, but that he should ask me next week and I'd say yes! So he texts again the next monday and asks how my finals are going and etc. Later that week, we're texting again and I tell him that I'm going to look at a potential car and if he wants, he could come help me (my gesture to make up for not goin out with him the previous Sat.). He says yes, and ends up coming to help me even though he's still working - he comes in his uniform and work truck and everything... (he owns his own business). So we end up talking for a long time and are really getting along great, he acts like he doesn't want to leave... we finally say goodnight.

For the next 2 weeks, he texts me almost every day always initiating the texts.. having full on conversations until we go to bed. But he never asks me to hang out with him... get together or anything. Finally one night he tells me that he has a night off. I enthusiastically tell him that we should do something! So we end up going to coffee (it's a tuesday night) and having a great time. That upcoming thursday is my birthday - he texts me happy birthday, asks if I have plans for that night and I tell him that since I'm celebrating with fam/friends on Saturday that maybe we could do something. He says yes, but then an hour later he's like "I'm so lame but could we pass on tonight - I have to get up early"... Obviously a lame excuse, but I was like, ok whatever since we weren't even officially dating or anything. I figured something else had come up.

He continues to text me that Friday, then on saturday I get a text from him around 8 pm asking me what I'm doing. He hints that he wants to hang out, and when I respond positively, asks me to coffee again. We have fun again, and the body language is really really positive... at the end of the night we're sitting in his car both extending the convo - he gives me a cd of some music we were talking about. He then asks if he can use my bathroom, and of course, I say yes! So he comes in, uses the bathroom, kind of takes a walk around my apartment looking around and saying weird things like "this place is bigger than I thought" and "I like your floors"... haha seriously, what??? So he leaves saying that he's going to let me get to the stuff that I need to do (I had told him earlier that I had to clean for a party)... I reluctantly let him leave.

He texts me like ten minutes later saying something silly, and we text back and forth a few times, then say goodnight. He says he wants to do it again soon.

Sunday, he texts me to ask if I'm still having my party, but I was too busy and couldn't reply.

I text him on Monday to apologize for not getting back to him sooner, and we text back and forth until evening.

Tuesday I get a weird forward from him around 6 pm and answer him a few hours later asking about it. Again we text until he goes to bed... When I get home that night, he has facebook friended me, and I'm happy because he's the type of guy who is never on facebook and only is friends with his "real" friends... doesn't just add everyone he knows. I write him a quick message saying that I'm glad to be his friend and such.

I don't hear from him all week, and I'm wondering what's up! Finally on Friday I text him, asking him what he's up to... he answers quickly and says something generic about being busy.. work stuff etc. I tell him that I understand and that it's cool or whatever. then he texts back saying that maybe we could get together, that he's busy that night but is coming home saturday... and I respond that yeah, that would be cool - that i'm sure I can fit him in! we text back and forth a few more times but he stops texting at one point and hasn't made any plans with me... I haven't heard from him since!

That was last Friday - it's now Thursday, almost been a week, and no texts or anything from him! I've pretty much just given up on him because up until now he has always initiated the correspondence, and I feel like if he likes me, he should contact me, right? Any ideas???


Why do want this guy anyway? He wasn't asking you out, and when you finally strong-armed him into meeting, you went to coffee twice. I met someone like this too. Here's my take on it.

First he's non-committal, if guy can't ask you out and take you on an official date, don't waste your time. He's looking for booty call.

Second- It's an ego stroke, because you're chasing him. He's calling and texting because he wants to keep the connection open in hopes that you will become so desperate that you'll have sex without him having to do anything for you. In response you keep asking to see him. Gigantic ego stroke for these types of guys.

Third - He's cheap. The few times you did see each other you went to coffee? CHEAP. I'm sure you were a good girl and paid for your portion too. This is also why he enjoys making women chase him, he's getting stroked for free!

Fourth - He's playing this game with as many women as he can. He probably has a few other FWBs already and since you weren't generous enough to give him a happy ending after two coffee dates, you're too much trouble right now. But when he's lonely and horny and the sure thing's are busy, he'll be contacting you.

Wow, thank you so much... Helps me want to move on. You know, I have 10,000 excuses for him whirling around and around in my head. I really don't know why I like him so much - he's cute and all, but kind of a workaholic plus not taller than me! I guess it's because he's not predictable or he's kind of mysterious. I'm used to guys who are easier to read maybe.

Also, it wasn't officially a date, so I don't really consider the going to coffee cheap. We had never really gone out before so it was more of a getting-to-know-you type thing, The 2nd coffee... ok, we could have done something better, but it wasn't like he completely disappeared after that or anything. I mean, why would he add me on facebook? Maybe something on there freaked him out...? But I don't see what.

Another weird thing: if he wanted a booty call, he would have tried to make a move on me, right? I mean he was flirtatious, but didn't try for anything... didn't even hint at it. He doesn't seem like the type to have a whole lot of girls - his facebook is silent for the most part, and he's not especially charming or anything. I mean, ok I don't know.. I guess I'm making more excuses... I just wish I could get to the bottom of this.