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Why Cant I Forget Him

Published on October 3, 2012 by deedee1811

Im 48 years old and until about 4 weeks ago was in a relationship of 14 months with a younger man who was an alcoholic. I threw him out countless times, but always took him back. On the last occasion I made my mind up not to take him back anymore. He had become abusive and threatening while drunk ( which was every single night) and I feared for my safety as well as my sanity. My health was also suffering. I haven't heard from him since. The part that hurt me so much is in less than a week after I put him out, he had another woman. While I have no desire to take him back, I couldn't, it hurts that after all I went through with him and did all I could for him, he could move on so quickly, or worse, he was seeing her when he was with me.! It's been almost 4 weeks and I still can't seem to stop thinking and hurting.


It is understandable that you are in pain after this experience. When your thoughts drift back to your ex and to questions about how he could move on so quickly, etc. interrupt the thoughts and do something that is soothing and loving for you. Make a list of actions that help you feel comforted and supported (these might be as simple as taking a bubble bath, calling a friend, watching a comedy movie, writing in a journal) and do something will help you express the feeling behind the thought and then move on from that.

This is still a relatively fresh breakup so give yourself time. Keep taking loving and good care of you and you will feel better more quickly.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

Dear friend Break ups are always hard, but in your case you should rejoice! By breaking up an abusive relationship should be a joy to you, because you have a chance to start fresh and forget about person that didn’t treat you well. Addiction is not a pleasant thing to deal with, but is not an excuse either. If person let you down for selfish reasons it’s a sign to move on and take care of your own well being, I suggest that is what you should do. Pain will eventually go away and you will be free to move one and get a partner that you really deserve. Best of luck, Yours truly AstroCoach

I suggest EMDR, hypnotherapy or success-love-now to move through all the emotion, create an intention for what you do desire in your life, and to bring a better dream into your reality. Let me know if you would like a 10 minute gratuitous consult: 831-477-7007 or Dr. Laurie Moore

Very few addicts and abusers get help and change.

They just turn on the charm and find a new victim. It's very likely that his new woman will get the same treatment just as soon as he thinks he "has her."

Addicts and abusers are completely self-focused. You really aren't important to them unless you play their game. It's not a win-win for them like it is for you. They want to keep you down and undermine your confidence.

I would stay away from abusive guys. You cannot fix them. And trying harder is a waste of your time. The best thing you can do for them is throw them out. Really.

Honey, you deserve better. What he did is because of his disease of alcoholism. I sincerely congratulate you for kicking him out. Many people fall into their way of living and bebind co-dependents. You should feel good about yourself because you just proved to yourself how strong of a person you are. You should really feel sorry for the other girl. So hold your head high and be happy he is out of your life. He would have dragged you down with him because they usually get worse before anything changes. He either hits bottom and decides to iget treatment or someone could get seriously hurt or even killed. Trust me, I know many alcoholis and addicts and have tried everything to help them, but all you really become is an enabler so they can continue their addiction. If I may, I would like to suggest that you go to some meetings. They are free so try different ones as you will no like some of them and I know you may not be the one with the addiction, but he has affected you as he has abused you you. If you really want to get through this and have the right support system I would suggest going to an alanon meeting which is for people who are people like you, the non alcoholic. You will hear so many stories and how they core with it. Then you have the AA meetings , Alcoholics Annonimus, which is for the alcoholic,.but it really helps to hear the things they did while drinking and you may find your answers through the ones who are working the program and are sober. Remember, you wont like all of them, so dont get discouraged. And only use youre first name and dont give out your personal information until you know who you are really giving it to. And please,.dont get into a relationship with any of the guys there. They need at least 2 years of sobriety before they get into a relationship. I grew up as a child of an alcoholic and I have a sibling who is an alcoholic, as well as I just fostered my 15 month old niece for several months because of domestic violence and one parent using drugs. Department of children and family services came in and took all 4 kids from them, but only one is my biological family. Its like I always tell my 21 year old daughter, stay true to yourself and dont ever settle for less when you deserve soo much more. I hope this helped some and I wish you the best. Remember it had nothing to do with you as to what he did, and like some others commented, you can not help them. They have to want to get help and actually get the help. Consider yourself lucky too, because many people dont have the courage to stand their grounds and think they cant kick them out, that they need you and then they keep conning you until they have stripped you of your money, your things, and worst of all the life right of you.