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Give Advice: He Only Wants Wild 'N Crazy Sex

Published on February 12, 2011 by jaesline

My boyfriend and I are in a commited long term relationship. We talk about getting married a lot. We have a house together and two businesses together.  Recently our sex life is almost a non existence.  Now, he and I spend almost everyday all day together and it doesn't seem to bother him or me. We use to have sex all the time, several times a day, almost everyday of the week. But for the past two weeks, we have had sex once maybe twice. When I finally decided to ask him what was going on, he told me that he just can't have sex just to have sex. And that we needed to have another threesome, or have sex in a "strange" place or something.

We were having sex in every place other than the bedroom but now that it is winter time, we barely make it out the house. We also would have threesomes but lately the people that we have tried to have threesomes with are either not very attractive or the vibe is just not there.

I am willing to continue to do these things but I don't feel he should just stop having sex with me because we cannot find a third partner or its too cold to have sex outside. I feel like he is blaming me. And now it has blown up into an argument because for the past two weeks, he has been extremely moody. One day he is normal, the next day he is giving me the silent treatment. Then the cycle repeats and I am really tired of this.

He is not cheating because we spend almost 24 hours everyday together and have been this way for the past 10 months.


As long as your both happy. If not then dress sexy or ask him if something is wrong. We can see eachother at your worst bet when it comes to sex we get all toung tied.

Thanks for the response...I dress sexy all the time. He even compliments me on how good I look and he tells his friends about how when he and I go out, how much attention I get from other guys. I make sure I am looking good all the time. He says lingerie is not a turn on for him so I don't wear it but I wear very sexy VS night short short shirts, etc...I am happy with him and he says that he is happy with me. I am just not happy with our sex life. When I did ask him if he was ok or if I had done something because I feel he is acting a little different, he got really upset with me. And we ended up arguing. He admitted that some days he had been giving me the silent treatment but did not tell me why he was doing it. I asked him to tell me if I have done something to upset him but he just said don't worry about it. We haven't talked for almost two days now and it is really awkward since we live together, have a business together, etc...but this is what he does. And I am about to go insane because I don't think that the silent treatment is a good way to resolve something.

Sex is one way you and your partner can show love, get close and enjoy pleasure together. At first it is the most powerful way of bonding. Later as the bond consolidates the purpose of sex can change. Your partner probably hasn't gone off you at all. In fact just the opposite. He is satisfied and enjoys having you around 24/7. The need isn't as great as it once was, and that maybe why he wants to zing it up with threesomes!

Perhaps you want to feel that you are still attractive, desirable and sexy, other than enjoying the pleasure of it for its own sake.

You could try talking to your partner about your need for reassurance about your attractiveness. Ask him if he feels satisfied in the relationship and tell him about what makes you less so. That can often spark a flame that reignites sexual desire. You can also try talking about the fact that when you spend all your time together the desire and excitement factors of sex are dampened.

I think your boyfriend's behavior sounds a little odd. He's the only one who can really answer the question, but it sounds like he didn't want to have sex because he was upset about something and it's turning into a vicious cycle. When you wanted it and he didn't, he started resisting you and wanting it even less.

Did he have a time when he wasn't able to get an erection? That could make him insecure and then he wouldn't want to try again for fear of not getting one. Talking about threesomes or sex outside might be his way of not blaming himself.

If you're together all the time, he can't cheat, but on the other hand, you both might get a little bored with each other. Maybe it would help your relationship to spend less time around each other. It might also help to spend more time on dates and less on running businesses.

I think if you haven't had sex for a while, you wouldn't need any extra excitement to want it. So I think that is just an excuse. He's the only one who can explain what the real reason is.

Thank you Dr Raymond. I feel really good about your response to my question. I really appreciate your time and consideration in your reply. I think you are correct.