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when an ex-fling returns?

Published on January 2, 2010 by hellobrooklyn

Okay, so here it is.

The guy i gave my virginity to...(after three date... complicated situation, i know.. not a whore i promise.. i was 20 at the time...i really liked this guy!) Is now coming back into the picture.

After the whole virginity situation, I also dropped the... Lets be in a relationship bomb... and he fled. Its quite obvious he doesn't do the whole commitment thing. It is unfortunate that i found that out after giving him my virginity, but c'est la vie, i guess?.. It also turns out that he is a Bit of a Womanizer/Player... didn't find that out until after also.. Well.. We stopped talking COMPLETELY for six months, and to be honest I think it just freaked him out... So i just accepted that he probably wanted nothing to do with me, and that was it. I dropped it, and moved on...

But last week, I bumped into a friend of his at a party, and of course he was on my mind.. for that moment anyway. I sent him a drunk email, just saying, I'd bumped into our mutual friend, and just wondering what he's been up to, you know.. the whole how are you thing, nothing desperate or crazy... and he replied the same, oh everythings great.. etc. And that was the end of it for me... Didn't say anything after that.

Christmas comes, and he emails me.. and wishes me a happy holiday.. yadda yadda, and ever since than we've been going back and forth, and he tells me that he wants to see me...

I told him i wasn't really interested in giving him anymore of myself, because i think i gave him enough.. but of course that causes him to try harder.. this guy is definatley known for loving "the chase". So, Here is my question..

What's up with him?

He's known for being a player... After I gave him my virginity... he completely cut me off... And told me, he doesn't do relationships.

Why is he trying to see me again?

Just for some action? This guy can have ANY woman he wants, (trust me!)

Is he talking to me now, because I initiated things?

I don't want to end up hurt... If i were to see him again, I would want to be in a relationship.. not just some casual situation... and I don't think he's into that sort of thing...

I do want to see him again, because I really like this guy, but I don't know what his motives are...

Can you help me?

ANSWERS

Yes you do know what his motives are because you told us! First....you answered your own questions. Second , sooo get over the 'I would want to be in a relationship.. not just some casual situation..' Sounds to me like you want to see him again, so..... 1. Know that because you lost your virginity to him, especially at 20, he will always be special because he's the one who got ~the special~ gift, and it was a gift unless you did the whole 'I don't want to die a virgin thing. (I'm 46, did the same as you at 18, and still remember the jerks name-we dated -gave me fake engagement ring got my big V then POOF)

  1. He like the chase? Play a player on the web! Make him chase YOU! Call a spade a spade. Bring out the B**ch! Let him know there is a frisky feline in you and he missed out, but keep it on the net. Safe distance. But NEVER put anything of any form on web that you wouldn't want to see printed on the front page of the paper or your mother to read! Know there is some inner satisfaction in delete, block, STBY. If he is out for a piece than he'll loose interest quickly, players don't like to be played, and you won't be so hurt because the web is all virtual and you weren't actually just a piece. You were smart!

  2. Think instead of relationship as in BF/GF-think "Hey maybe we could ~just~ be friends." If he makes it past #2 the something is gained, and very little has been lost-except maybe time, but with time is knowledge.

  3. Which brings me to, How do you pick out the players?" use the web to teach yourself how they operate, so in RL you can avoid them or play their game. Either way it goes from their rules their game, to your rules your game.

Life is just a game after all, and it is all in how you play and by who's rules on how you come out the winner. Relationships should not be a game, but the truth is it is. Cat and Mouse I believe. So let your Frisky Feline out and turn him into the mouse he is! 80)

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