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When do you know it's time to start over?

Published on May 2, 2010 by surfgirl

I feel a strong attachment to someone I've been seeing as a friend. I'm in a relationship that I don't feel is going anywhere for a happy future together. When does one just break off the current relationship (hard, because of kids), and see if life is better alone and able to try love with someone else? I feel love in my heart in general and don't want to hurt anyone. People general like me and I hope for the best for everyone. My kids are strong and hopeful and know they're loved by both parents. The lack of a close relationship is what I feel trapped about. I wonder if I can make a split without destroying the kids lives. I have the capability to be independant because of my job is thriving, so finances won't be a big factor. Any ideas on how to separate lives without destroying them???

ANSWERS

It is so good to know that you have your kids best interest at heart......but the fact remains.....how good will they be if you are no good....meaning your body is there with them & your husband....but your mind is on the other side of town..........as mothers we take on so much......so therefore.....our health & wellbeing should be a factor too.... whatever you do,don't ever let the kids be an excuse as to a continuing marriage.....if you really want whats best for your kids......you need to determine your pros & cons.........what is the upside to me furthering this.....or perhaps the downside... how much do you know about this friend you have a strong attachment to....have you ever let your husband know of what needs that were not being met that could have probaly led you to magnify feelings for this friend...........if you did,what was his repsonse......and if you didn't share your unhappy feelings with your husband.......why not?.....if you know within your heart of hearts.....have prayed.....& really know that this is the right move for you......then go ahead....but i think you should have some quiet time to yourself to weigh out your thoughts for you & your kids future.....may god bless in whatever you decide!!!!

Medoingme, Thank you for this amazingly insightful response. I took your thoughts to heart and am going to try to weigh the pros and cons and really look deeper into what you said. I actually tried to see if I could like my husband if he didn't just sleep all the time and if I started to ask him to help out and maybe he would. Let's see if he would consider taking better care of himself. Thanks again!!!

Reading this was like reading my own thoughts. I am in the same situation and it's so good to know I am not the only person going through this type of issue. Not that I thought I was really, but it always feels like that. I have been friends with someone since my childhood, and I love him with all my heart. We are a perfect fit together. We don't know why we never saw it before, but there was always something in the way I guess. The trouble is, we are both married (unhappily) to other people, and we both have kids with those other people. We have talked about being together and have decieded that's what we want, but we have no idea on where to go from the thought. We know that it is going to be so messy and people are going to be really hurt. Should we sacrafice our happiness and just suffer through our marriages until our kids are grown? I don't know what is right either. I've tried talking to my husband, but its just not the same. I haven't felt the same for him for a long time, but still I don't want to hurt him or our children. This may not help you, but I can feel your pain. If it wasn't for my kids, I would have left a long time ago, the same has been said by my friend he would have left his wife too if it wasn't for his kids. It's a very difficult and scary life changing decision. Good luck to you.

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