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What's your opinion of this FWB situation?

Published on June 13, 2012 by aznpear89

So i'll start off with that we were never really close friends when we got into this. Actually we kind of started the fwb the moment we met. He's military and so he basically told me straight up he's not looking for anything serious cause he still has a year left and is going to be deployed soon. I didn't want serious either cause I'm busy finishing up school. It's been great, and we've been doing this for almost 2 months now. But recently things have been feeling weird....I dont know if it's me or if something is going on with him...last month, we had planned on meeting up after my class around 9pm. He said that he was gonna hang with his friends til then, but I got there and he was still hanging with them (not a big deal I just worried i got there too early) but after a couple hours I went to the fridge to get a drink and he came with me and said that he thought it would be cool for me to meet his really close buddies. We ended up hanging out with them til like 1 am and it was fun. They're all pretty cool guys. I always sleep over at his place since he lives about an hour away from me. thats not the part im questioning though, so about 4 weeks ago i had stopped sleeping with him cause of finals coming up. I needed to focus and was really stressed out. 2 weeks ago, he texted me while I was working out with a friend and I forgot to text him back. He sends another text about an hour laters asking if he did something wrong and if i was mad at him. I decided to call him back since 1) i was driving and 2) cause i needed to assure him i wasn't mad i was just pre-occupied. A few days later he texted me and I was really busy with working on my papers for finals, so when i read his text asking whats up, i just said "busy". immediately after that he asked if i was mad at him. I said no i was just working really hard and am stressed. and he responds with a wink offering to help me destress but then says seriously he is here for me as moral support. (which was nice) but why was he keep asking if i was mad?? I mean we hadn't spoken much so he couldn't have done anything to make me mad. Last week we were talking about food and he said that he needs to take me to get this one dish he really likes (cause i've never had it but I really want to try it). So i said we can get it at a place i like. but he was like "hell no. we're going to irvine"....well that's fine cause i dont go much....but irvine is alot father away than where im at...he said its not, but I checked on google maps and it's a good 20 min farther.. why is he being so stubborn about that? The other thing is that he's been more cuddly too...not after sex perse but while we sleep. He pretty much pushes up against me while im sleeping so i have to put my arm around him or his arm around me. Sorry its so long, its just things went from simple "just sex" to i have no idea what's going on?

ANSWERS

I think the young lad has fallen for you (despite his initial intent to keep it non-serious), and wants to be more than just FWB (though he may not realize it yet). C'mon, a guy has you meet his best buddies because he's proud of you and wants to show them "his" girl (you're becoming important to him, so he wants you to meet the other people who are important in his life). As far as declarations of intent go, it's not introducing you to his parents, but it is definitely along the same line of thought - he's claiming you. If you're just a f**k-buddy to him, would he care about introducing you to his favorite dish (and the going out of the way to Irvine to do it is likely so he can take you to the one place he knows that gets it PERFECT)?

Upcoming deployments have a way of making a man's heart want to fast forward in the relationship once he meets a girl. This wouldn't be the first time. If you would ask anyone of your great grandparents' generation (God - that makes me feel old! They're in their 80's or 90's by now), you'd hear plenty of stories of couples getting real serious just before the young man shipped off to fight the Germans or the Japanese. There were a LOT of new brides (some who'd only even MET their young men just weeks or even days earlier) waving goodbye as trains or troop ships departed over the years.

Good luck to you two if my guess about him is correct, and if you are amenable to you and your fellow becoming something more! If you're not warm on the idea, let him down easy - he sounds sweet.

You’re getting to know each other. For him, not being responded to quickly leaves him wondering if you are angry. You aren't so you say,"no, just very busy" and that's that. He needs that reassurance and will again.

As for Irvine, ask him. Only he knows why he wanted to go there. If it is important to you to go somewhere else, let him know.

As for him getting closer to you, that can happen. Emotions are not controllable and closeness grows when intimacy is shared.

It's okay to ask him questions, important in fact. It's the only real way to find out what he is feeling and thinking.

FWB situations are rarely simple but that doesn't mean they are wrong. As may be happening in your case, feelings and what one (or both) of you wants can change. This can happen in any relationship actually. It might be helpful to have a re-check with one another about how your original FWB agreement is something you want to continue or if you are both ready to explore having some level of commitment to each other. Don't make assumptions-- get clear about what you want and then ask him what he wants.

I've got some news for you sweetie pie. You two never actually had a FWB relationship. He likes you and he's trying to let you know. Like in the movie Friends With Benefits, you two met and started 'like dating,' but the reality is that you were never friends in the first place, so the 'friends' part of the 'with benefits' didn't actually exist. Because you two have made an agreement that feelings and obligations were too much to handle probably didn't matter to him because he just wanted a chance to be around you.

The reason he wanted to go to Irvine is because Irvine is one of those places that feels like more of an official date night place. There are plenty of things to do and many options for extending a great night with a movie, club or simple late night stroll.

If you can handle his feelings and his deployment, do it! If you can't, don't lead him on, let him go. :)

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