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Whats wrong with me? Fiance won't have sex with me but watches pornos and masturbates

Published on March 3, 2012 by cynthiaasm

me and my fiance have been together for 4 years and we never have sex, he masturbates and I always feel like theres something wrong with me.We both have been married and ended up divorced. Please help! I love him and he does love me as well so where does the love making start


I've read that men like him don't want the stress of pleasing a woman. There's only something wrong with you if you stay with him. It means your needs don't matter. If's he's not willing to be intimate with a 3 dimensional woman versus only doing it in his fantasy world, then why would you stay? If you have self worth and self love, you won't settle. Loving someone is irrelevant when they don't meet all of your main needs. If you want to ask him to attend counseling with you, it's worth a try. If he refuses, he doesn't want to change, and doesn't care enough about you to please you. There are men out there who don't do this. Go find one.

To explain alittle bit more , we do the hand holding , touching , kissing and cuddling but he says soon when he was in a marriage and didn't last a year and the relationships he had after that he told me didn't last very long he was a heavy drinker and told me that when he was with other woman he was always intoxicated when they would have sex but since he's been with me he has been sober for 3 years now( and very proud of him )and we did talk about this last night and about those videos and he says it's not me it's him and he does love very much and I know he told me that when he was 16 or 17 his stepmother made passes towards him maybe that has had an effect but I know he told me a year after we started dating that he had a hard time with relationships as far as trust and the ones he was with they used him big time and they were only with him cause he has his own small construction business but he knows I'm not like that. We are getting married and he say's in god's eye's it's not right to have sex before marriage and with his other relationships it was all booze and one nite stands and he told me that isn't the kind of relationship he wants he wants to do it the right way and it's with me

He has a lot of emotional baggage. I'm sorry but I think his God excuse is just that--an excuse. He will not want sex anymore after marriage than he does now. When people think people will change for the better after marriage, they are living in a fantasy world. You must live in the present. If you are not happy right here and now in the present, and can't live a happy lifetime with the way things are right now, without change, then the person is not right for you.

Even if things are great in all other areas, the no sex thing trumps all those things. Sex is a major need that people must be compatible in to have a happy life. I know you love him, but are you willing to sacrifice your own happiness for a person who has all this emotional baggage, especially if he's not willing to attend intensive counseling to work through these major issues. Why would you sacrifice your own happiness? Probably because women are very nurturing people. We try to fix things. It's not our job to fix men and make them change. It's our job to keep dating until we meet a man who meets ALL of our main needs. If they don't, it's time to move on for our own chance at happiness. Please love yourself to do what's right for you. It's painful now, but you'll be happier in the long run.

I know from experience. I was in a one year relationship with someone who was incompatible with me in every possible way, including sex. We broke up, and it freed me to find a man who is compatible with me in every major way. Instead of feeling upset, frustrated and breaking out in hives like I used to, I'm married to a wonderful man who makes me feel special every day, and keeps me sexually satisfied. I hope the same for you. Take care.

This is not a sex problem but a problem of intimacy, or lack thereof. Intimacy requires the willingness to be open, honest, and vulnerable with one another. It appears to me that your fiance is afraid of allowing you to really connect with him and afraid to allow himself to get too emotionally connected with you. You are likely afraid to confront the reality of your situation that you are with a man who is either incapable or uninterested in meeting your needs for intimacy. This is not going to get better just by hoping it will. Confronting your situations means you need to tell him the truth about how you feel, ask him to see a therapist with or without you, and see if he is willing to commit to doing what it takes. The question for you is are you ready to walk away or will you sign up for a loveless marriage?

We have talked about it alot and maybe he is afraid that I will hurt him like the others and he does know how I feel so it's not like I don't confront him so he does know.He did tell me that he wanted to do this the right way not way he was doing things in past relationships which didn't really happen they were one nite stands and alot of booze , and that's why he told me that with me he wants to do it the right way .We both have been married before and didn't last for either of us I have 2 children from my marriage 9 and 10 and he considers them his own we have been going through alot of stress with the custody battle with my ex for 3 1/2 years and it's very draining financial, emotional,and he does get very stressed out with all this court stuff.