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What's happening with my best guy friend and me?

Published on August 5, 2012 by nymphonic

I met this guy last year. I'm going to call him A. Me and all of my roommates became very close with him and then he started dating one of my roommates on and off named Sarah. She treated him terribly and I often consoled him so we became close through that. Plus he hooked up with another of my friends that Sarah hated after they broke up so she gave him hell for it. He was a mess after that and we became even closer. We considered each other  like a brother and sister. There was never anything romantic between us at all. So then I moved in with him and some people after my other lease ended. I didn't think much of it because we were very close friends and I had a pretty bad crush on one of the other new roommates. He and Sarah had ended it for good and he was in a better place. Plus I had a falling out with her so she was gone from our lives which I was grateful for because she brought a lot of drama and heartache to the both of us. We were so excited to live together and have a drama free year with our other roommates because we had both had bad experiences the prior year.

So a less than a month into us living together, I noticed A started paying for all of my meals and taking me out a lot. I just thought he was being nice because that's the kind of guy he is. But then we went to New York for a night just the two of us because no one else could get off work. He wouldn't let me pay for anything and anyone who didn't know us would have thought we were dating because he pulled out my chair and opened my doors and even ordered my meals for me when the waiters would come. I admit that I loved it because I've never been treated so well. But anyway that night I got really sick and he took care of me and we spent the whole night and next morning cuddling and talking about some of our most private thoughts.

But when we got back home I think reality set in and we back to normal. But then he started talking to Sarah again and it seemed likely they might get together again. I didn't really feel jealous but I was annoyed because she always put him through hell and broke his heart and he always took her back with no questions asked. But I let it play out and as I predicted she screwed him over and stopped talking to him. But this time he was happy about it and I think he finally moved on from her. I never hear him talk about her anymore.

So one night a few weeks later we went out drinking and we ended up sleeping together. But we had gotten drunk together plenty of other times and nothing had ever happened between us before. But when we woke up we laughed about it and we were a little concerned that it'd be weird between us but for no reason. We went right back to normal again. But I noticed he was far less willing to cuddle with me and didn't want to pay for dinner or anything anymore like he used to. But we still hung out all the time. I think he maybe just wanted to make sure I didn't think he liked me? I'm not sure.

But we agreed not to tell anyone because I was still friends with a lot of Sarah's friends and it would be really messy if our other roommates knew that we had hooked up because we had a rule against it in the house. But after that we've continued to sleep together. It's been about a month and we are still always together like we used to be but he is even colded now with the cuddling and stuff. I don't feel close with him like I used to but nothing has really changed all that much. I feel likee maybe it's in my head. Or maybe he's trying to protect me by not getting me too invested in him. I don't know if he's consciously doing this but I admit it kind of hurts a little and it confuses me a lot because I cherish our friendship. He used to always tell me how much he loved having me as a friend and tell his other friends about how great of a friend I am. He would just text me out of the blue and tell me he missed me even though we lived together or tell me how great of a person I am. But he doesn't do any of that anymore and it kind of confuses me. So now I'm wondering if he's pulling away from me because he likes me and wants to protect me or because he's lost respect for me because we've been sleeping together.

I really miss how it used to be but I can't say I regret anything I've done. So what do you think it all means?


It means that he's not into you enough to ask you to be his gf, and why shouldn't he have sex with you, since he doesn't have to put a daily effort into being a normal bf. He's getting what he wants, and you're not. Women have stronger hormones released than men do, every time they have sex, making you want to bond with a man, whether or not he's right for you.

I would stop sleeping with him. Tell him you've decided you only want to sleep with somone who is your bf. Male/female friendships when you're young are always meant to be temporary. When you get a bf, do you really think he'd want you spending time with your friend who you had sex with? That friend will get put on the backburner, and if he's not, you'll probably put your new relationship in jeapardy.

Lesson learned. Don't sleep with someone unless you're on your way to a commited relationship. The woman always ends up wanting more if it's a FWB, and after you've already established a FWB pattern, it's hard to get out of. Good luck.