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What's the deal with him?

Published on April 7, 2010 by daisyloaf

I realise that the answer could be painfully obvious to an objective person, maybe I just need to hear the harsh truth, but here goes.

I've been involved with a friend at work - we got together a few months ago when he admitted to fancying me and I felt the same way. We didn't sleep together that time as I was recovering from a surgery and a few days later we had the talk. He bascially said although he meant what he said he's not looking for a relationship (to concentrate on his studies) and hence it's not a good idea to sleep together. Only we did, a few weeks later, and a few times since. He doesn't act like a normal friend to me, we're affectionate with each other and he totally goes out of his way to cheer me up when I have a bad day at work. I am finding it hard to accept that we're practically only fuck buddies and yet I can't understand why he told me his feelings and then be intimate with me when he admitted from the start that it would be a bad idea.

What is his deal? I wish I can not fancy him but it's bloody difficult when he's such a sweet guy. The only thing I am really pissed off is that he would say such things to me when he never had the intention for it to lead to any relationship. How do I get over him?

Thanks for reading this - any help would be very much appreciated.


You realize that you are in a FWB's situation. That really isn't his fault because he was clear with you that he did not want a relationship. He may have said he didn't want to sleep with you because he could not commit to you for the sake of your feelings but since you did anyway it changed the boundaries that you had previously agreed to and made it okay. He sounds like a nice guy that does care about you, but regardless of if a single man wants a relationship or not, he isn't going to turn down sex. You don't really have a right to be mad at him because he told you his intentions from the beginning of your relationship. If you want to try to salvage the friendship you need to stop sleeping with him and redefine the boundaries of your friendship. But don't expect your relationship with him to lead to anything more than what it is and don't get mad at him because it isn't, he already told you he isn't looking for a committed relationship and you're the one putting yourself in this situation.

You are in an FWB situation and no matter how long you stay you won't be able to pull out of it. It's hard, because he seems like a nice guy and you clearly like him and want to maintain a semblance of a relationship, but if you want to regain your footing you have to (like adrian said) stop sleeping with him.