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What's the best way to keep a spark in a long-distance relation?

Published on May 16, 2011 by two to tango

My partner of 15 years is living away from me this year on a long-term work assignment.  We speak on the phone several times daily, and see each other about every three to four weeks.  Still, there's a little bit of disconnect between us, not being able to nurture the physical aspect of our relationship regularly (or at least as regularly as we always have been).  I'm sure other people have had to deal with this sort of issue, and was wondering if you could share your experience on what's the best way to keep a spark in a long-distance relationship.  (I think we're past the "phone sex" stage of our relationship!)


D T, Is it possible for you to travel and spend some time with your partner, do you have vacation time coming to you? If not emails and phone calls are critical, i don't mean in frequency, i'm talking quality. Make sure you share positive, complimentary talk. Be careful not to share how neglected or lonely you feel. The talk or email has to pack such a poewrful punch that your partner needs to touch base with you because you are the source of recharge during his/her stress. Also think about the priorities, kids, pets, core values that you both built these fifteen years on and continue to keep these alive in your partner's head.And I know you said you're past phone sex, but don't underestimate sultry, erotic talk. Desire from our partner is much more powerful for our confidence and happiness than actual physical interaction. I wish you the best. I've been there. You will get through this.

my livein bf is gone quite often (truck driver) usually months at a time and we talk EVERYDAY-I share things that have happened during my day -at home, at work n with kids n school and he also shares how his day went-we also occassionally do phone sex and chat and webcam (when he can) this keeps us very connected to each other. we talk just like we would if he was home. an occassional text during the day saying "i love you" also helps us stay connected-I KNOW IT IS HARD but you will get through this-hope some of these ideas help you and good luck :)

Agree with the lovely ladies that already answered. I was away from home for a year and just getting mail from her telling me about daily activities and the 'love you's" were life savers. Be careful about notes that show you were out at the bar, it is ok to write but leave no doubt that your girlfriend took you home and there was no way he can feel threatened by your possible male contact. It may be there, understandable, but play it down. The last thing us boys want to hear is about the fun you are having with my male friends (I know how their minds work)

I find that communicating the "old fashioned" way is a nice touch when there's physical distance between you. It's nice to receive something in your loved one's handwriting in a letter or card. Webcam is also great. I find that several phonecalls a day can get routine, because sometimes you don't have much to say, and it's as if you're having the same conversation over and over. It's more about WHAT you say, and not how many times a day you talk. But always have a goodnight call.