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What to think of wife's Facebook affair

Published on May 2, 2013 by simpleguy68

A few years ago my wife of 20 years found a childhood boyfriend on facebook. She was very open about it - she showed me photos of his family, told me what he did for a living etc. I wasnt exactly thrilled that she had found an old bf, but it seemed pretty harmless. He lived far away, and hadnt been a major boyfriend in her life - they only dated briefly in early teen years.

Well, a few months ago I stumbled upon disturbing emails between them. The messages were beyond small talk and involved heavy flirting and expressions of sexual desires. When confronted, my wife admitted everything - they had been talking like this on and off for about 2 years.

I know that it never got physical, but it still was devastating and broke my heart. She was humiliated and very remorseful. She now refers to it as something that could have destroyed us.Contact has stopped between them. He has sent her a few very brief "small talk" emails since, but she immediately shared them with me and didnt reply.

Truth is, our marriage was not good for many years. We were best friends, did everything together, etc. But it was a hollow marriage. Sex life had become nonexistant, and we were both stressed, suffered from low-self-esteem and midlife crisis crap. I'm not making excuses for her, but I see how the situation developed.

My wife felt that I didnt love her, didnt look at her as a woman, and felt I even hated her at times. Unfortunately, this FB friend said all the right things and made her feel desired. He seemed to fill a need I wasnt providing.

After the truth was revealed, our marriage has gotten so much better. Sex life is back and a missing spark has been reignited. This was truly a huge wakeup call for both of us.

I still struggle with what happened. At times I obsess over the details. My biggest fear is that she developed deep feelings for him and longs to start the "affair" back up. She's given me no reason to think this, but I stress over it all the time.

For the women out there...should I trust that this is really over and I've won my wife back?, or do I need to continue to be scared that the lying will continue?


You should tell her that you want her out of the house within 24 hours. Get some boxes and start packing her crap and put it on the lawn. She might be relived and grateful, deal with it. If she wants to stay, the first thing she has to do is get down flat on the floor and lick your instep. Good luck brother.