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What should i make of this?

Published on January 6, 2014 by set.me.free

There has been a man in my life on and off for the past 6 years. We havent properly dated but we have hooked up and we keep coming back into each others lives. We recently got reconnected and he has started bringing up our future and how he has everything planned out. (marriage, kids). We arent even dating (never even said "i love you") and he's bringing up this serious commitment. What should I think of this? What should I do?

ANSWERS

Thanks for asking YT! It sounds like he has gotten clearer about what he wants, and he may want those things from you. However, it might not match with what you want. Your post tells me your relationship has been rather casual for years, is that where you would like it to stay? Do you want to explore commitment with him? Are you flattered but uninterested? There is nothing wrong with wanting a casual relationship, but it is important to be clear with him if that is the case. Stay true to yourself and be honest with him. Best of luck!

Alright, let's see here....I wouldn't go so far as to say that he has gotten clearer about what he wants. I'd imagine if he is able to open up and talk to you about your "future" together, then a proper date would have occurred by now. I've seen variations of this situation time and time again. From what I have gathered over the years, given the circumstances it's best not to get carried away by what he is saying, but rather let him carry you away with his actions. Knowing what you want (whether or not that is with him) and establishing boundaries is important in any relationship. So...my advice, figure out where you want to go with this relationship, create those boundaries and let his SHOW you that he is ready for a commitment, until then don't set yourself up for disappointment by setting the expectation level so high (based off of words alone) and communicate where you are at with him. Gotta be on the same page :-) Hope this helps!

I agree with the therapist. Let him use actions not just words. Next time he brings it up, say "Let's start with a real date. You plan something, and pick me up, and let's have a date."

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