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What should I do when in spite of everything, I want him back?

Published on January 4, 2014 by phynix

Hi There:

I've been seeing a guy on and off for 8 months. Within this time, he has chosen distance himself over the smallest situations, and not talk to me for days. For example, he jokingly called me something I would normally take offense to. And realizing he was not aware, I politely expressed that I didn't joke that way. We were getting to know one another, and I realized he felt this was okay. Which is why I was not upset. He decided to distance himself since then over many other small instances. I also expressed how I felt about him, and how I viewed our relationship, in which I mentioned how he shuts me out. He became angry about one aspect of that entire discussion, and decided to blurt out a disturbing issue he was facing with a family member. I realized this was why I was sensing this distance, but even more sad that he kept something so hurtful to himself, and in turn lashed out at me. I've always tried to be there for him, but it's as if he didn't want me to be. I never pushed, but I felt helpless knowing he was going through something, and he would not allow me to help him, because he viewed that as weakness. Since then, he's been snappy, picks arguments, and the last fight he ended things because I asked whether he was okay, because he seemed distant again. Now from my understanding the situation with the family member had been resolved. I don't know if anything else happened since then. I know all of this makes him seem horrible, but these are instances that have interrupted what I thought we were attempting to build. He's a great guy, but I think he has a hard time with trust, and being vulnerable. He has many qualities that have made me fall in love with him. Which is why it's so difficult to walk away. I am completely heartbroken, and want him back. I want an improved communication between us, and for him to face the reality of how he chooses to deal with things. The problem is, we are no longer speaking, and I don't want to appear desperate or needy. However, his good qualities outweigh the bad. But I can't deal with how he is responding to his situations. It hurts me. I don't know what to do.