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what should i do to make things better?

Published on October 2, 2012 by nae

I'm 8weeks pregnant and my boyfriend have medical problems and when he complain about hurtin I still massage him most times even when I'm hurtin, but when I'm hurtin yes he'll help at times and at other times he'll jus say "you always hurtin, you don't never have time for me nomore" and that really makes me feel bad at times, he says I haven't really been payin him no attention and barely touchin him and havin sexual intercourses with him now that I'm pregnant and asked me do we think we made a mistake about everything and said he need time to himself. But I also feel that he's bein selfish also because I'm the one pregnant so what about me? What about me gettin full attention? What about me gettin a massage or a shoulder to lean on everytime I'm in pain? He says he loves me at first he wanted a abortion because we was goin to break up because I'm 19 and will be makin 20 in november and he's 27 and he use to worry bout wat sum of his friends and wat his ex and babymama was tellin him about me bein a little girl, I'm a grown woman I handle my business so in my eyes they're the little kids he also wanted a abortion because we both do music and he feel the baby's goin to mess up our career and he also feel that ima be givin ALL my attention to the baby instead of him. This my first pregnancy so yes I hardly be in the mood and everytime I say I'm hurtin or not in the mood he'll jus watch porn and sometimes he'll do it while we in bed and turn the volume down or when he think I'm sleep I jus feel that's disrespectful my bestfriend told me that he's jus all about himself but I don't want to believe that because I don't want to be a struggling single mother, my mother jus recently passed so I barely have any help and I just don't know wat to do anymore

ANSWERS

From what you've said, he's selfish, irresponsible and immature, already has babies with other women, and doesn't want you to keep this one. If you stick with this loser, you won't be any better off than being on your own (and may be worse) because he is not at all supportive.

Yours is not an easy situation to be in, by any stretch (especially with no living family around to help out. I would suggest you turn to your church (or any local church if you do not already regularly attend church). They help people in need, can offer you guidance and mentoring, and know what aid and services are available in your area. Oddly enough, two political enemies, Birthright and Planned Parenthood are both very supportive of expectant mothers (once past the decision over whether or not to have an abortion, they both focus on helping you and your baby).

If you don't think you can raise the baby yourself (from what you've describe, I wouldn't count on any help from your boyfriend), any of the churches or groups I mentioned, or local social services can put you in touch with agencies to put the baby up for adoption with couples who want to have a child but are unable to do so. If you decide on adoption early enough in pregnancy, the adoptive couple can sometimes help with living or medical expenses during pregnancy.

Good luck and God's blessings to you, no matter what you decide to do. I won't pretend that you have an easy road ahead of you, but there are people who want to help.

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