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What should I do with this guy?

Published on May 5, 2010 by gladys1010

I am in a very strange situation and would love some advice from other women or even men!

I met a man who is absolutely wonderful. He is everything I have ever wanted. He is a brilliant man, a member of MENSA infact, and is college educated. He is good looking, athletic, patient, and kind. He is wonderful with children, compassionate, and always very attentive to me and my needs.

This man is good in bed, always catering to my needs, and is very unselfish. Everyone we meet loves him, and I feel very safe with him as he is big and protective.

Now, here comes the problems. He is very boring. He grew up very much alone, having lost a brother who died young, and his parents were divorced. His father was abusive physically and emotionally, and some of his family are in jail, and as a result he very much raised himself. He likes to read, cook at home, go to the opera, and visit museums. Whereas I like to go to clubs once in a while, drink on the weekends, and meet new people. He is very content to just spend time with me, and alone. He never wants to do anything "fun".

Secondly, he has had a very, very difficult two years. He was a fund manager for an offshore investment firm. When they collapsed, he went from being a millionaire in his late 20's, to being bankrupt at 30. He has now spent a year out of work, living at home with his mother who he hasn't lived with since he was 5, and is dealing with legal issues and severe financial issues. Then, about a year ago, he shattered his knee in a soccer game. He has had two surgeries, and has not walked in a year without crutches.

I am 26, and he is now 31. He can't get around without his crutches, he is over a million dollars in debt, he is living with his mother, and he is very introverted. All those things make it difficult. However, like I said, he is the most wonderful man I have ever met. I know he would always protect me, never hurt me, never cheat on me, and his mind and his heart are extraordinary.

I am so lost, because I could spend my life with him, but at the same time it is tough being with him day to day. He worked in another city for the last ten years, and since he had to move back to his mothers, he has no friends here except me. I don't want to lose him, I don't want to live without him, but it is nearly impossible to live with him.

No man will ever compare to him, but I know that my life will be easier, more functional, and more fun without him. Please help me, I don't know what to do.


The finacial aspects are enough to scare a woman off, i can see that, and living with mom?? Thats a double whammy, but as I know, money comes and goes, his ship may come back in and he may get out of his understandable depression and become fun. Then you would have been a fool to let him go. Try to help him make friends, tell him it is important to you to get out and let your hair down is about bad do you want it? Good guys are not just out there waiting, they are hard to find, be careful what you wish for. On the other hand, you gotta be happy or else you can't make him happy...try to compromise.. good luck.

Thanks Sam. Yeah, it's so tough! I don't want to walk away from him, he's the best man I've ever met. But like I said, it's so scary. He is more in debt at 31 then most people ever make in their lives, and with all the legal issues surrounding his old job, and having to live with his mother, it's all so hard. It's like I love him, but I want to be in a relationship with a better version of him. He's been in this situation for a year, and it hasn't gotten any better.

As far as having fun, even when he was very well off he was still a homebody. He doesn't drink, ever, and he's more of a museum type of guy then a go out dancing type of guy. It's like he's perfect, except for him being broke and boring. I even feel bad saying that! Ugh......I don't know what to do!!!!