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What should i do about guy who says he loves me but doesn't act like it?

Published on December 19, 2009 by lemonmiranguepie

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly eight months and i know it's relatively early days but i'm pretty much in love with him. For the first months everything was perfect, he was sweet and kind. He used to listen to me when i was upset and he'd send me random endless texts about how much a ment to him.

Now though things have changed. I feel like he couldn't care less, that's how he acts. I'm lucky if i get to see him once a week, he makes up pathetic excuses about why he can't come out and he barely talks to me, all he seems to want to do is sexual stuff. We haven't had sex yet as we're both still virgins but we were talking and i decided he was the guy i wanted to loose my virgintity to.

Not very long ago he was supposed to come to me house and see me but he never showed up, i waited in for him all day but he never showed and he didn't text me all weekend. It made me feel so shit, We argue so much now but i can't talk to anyone about it because the people who used to listen are fed up of hearing me cry and just think i'm stupid to stay with him. It makes me feel so pathetic and i hate the person i've become but i really am in love with him and 75% of the time he makes me feel like the most special person in the world. I've tried telling him how i feel but he just makes it all about him and makes out that i'm being selfish and unfair on him. I just don't know what to do and i need some advice.

Thank you for listening, it means a lot.


Play right back at him. Start acting like your not as interested and do what he does occasionally like breaking dates and acting pre occupied. If he loves you he'll notice and will try and resolve whatever tension or lack of connection he feels. I know I would at least!

wow, no way in hell I would put up with all that drama he is causing you. Don't cry another tear over this jerk, and yes I can definitely understand your friends telling you they are tired of hearing about him and how miserable he makes you. And for sanity's sake, DO NOT give your virginity to this flake. Nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy, and this one definitely is NOT him.

First of all you are definately not being selfish. If that is how he is making you feel then that is how you feel and he needs to respect those feelings and not neglect you. In a healthy relationship, he would be considerate of your feelings and respect you ALL THE TIME, not just sometimes. Do not let him tell you that you deserve less.

I think what is happening here is that he really wants to get in your pants and you are waiting. He is getting frustrated and losing interest.(how do I know? well from your story, he was really interested for the first few months). Men tend to not feel as loved, or as emotionally connected if physical contact is not involved. Having said that, you should only ever give your virginity to a man when you are ready. If he is not willing to wait, then don't wait for him to love you, run and find another man who will respect you for your decisions. Sometimes men are nice and giving just to get into your pants. I don't know your boyfriend, you know him best,

The other reason could be the fact that he is fustrated at something in your current relationship. Perhaps how you behave towards him, your level of interests, his concerns of commitments, whether you are really worth the effort or even differing expectations could be a concern at this point. Both you and him seem new to the relationship game, so maybe communication issues have appeared. You need to sit down and talk to him, tell him your expectations, how you feel about his "no shows" and general lack of commitment.

Maybe he is showing a loss of interest because he is getting way too comfortable, he may think that you won't ever leave him so he can just not try anymore. Perhaps you are suffocating him with all these expectations when he is not ready. Either way, you should communicate these issues to him.

i so can relate.. my guy says he loves me. but whenever we have an argument he would blurt out that he doesn't love me and that he just pity me. then he would sweet talk me saying he is just kidding. blah.blah.blah. my friends say the same, that i should leave him and i don't deserve him. sometimes i want to let him go. i just can't find the strength to do so.

i guess we both just have to reevaluate our feelings for the men in our lives and their feelings for us also. why don't we try to be selfish and think about ourselves as well..