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What should I do??!

Published on July 22, 2013 by bw2012

Ok so to start off me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 6 months now. When we first started dating it was like we couldn't keep our hands off each other, but now it's different...we haven't had sex in almost 3 months, i casually brought up the fact a couple days ago that we hadn't had sex if almost 3 months and all he said was "has it been that long?" He is always telling me how much he loves me and that I'm the one that he wants to be with forever that I'm his soulmate..but I don't understand what's wrong, I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore and I don't know what to do...please help!!

ANSWERS

There could be something going on with him that you don’t know about. Stress could be putting a damper on his sex drive. Is he undergoing a lot of stress at work, or in some other portion of his life? Check in with him and see if you can get to the root of the problem. Don’t fret just yet.

No sex, not good! If your sex life was active in the beginning and is now non-existent you MUST have a heart to heart conversation with your partner. Either he has some other major things going on in his life that have caused sex to be the last thing on his mind or there is an issue with the quality of sex you are having. Either way, if you two are in a committed partnership this needs to get on the table.

One of biggest challenges I see with my clients is they have entered into a sexually active relationship and assumed that they are intimately involved. Unless you have reached a level of emotional intimacy where you two can talk about anything and are willing to be vulnerable and completely transparent with each other your sexual intimacy is really a false intimacy. I think you have some of that going on or there would have been a conversation about your sexual dry-spell sometime ago. Your issue may have something to do with how well you sexually satisfy each other, but I will guarantee you the deeper issue is your level of emotional intimacy.

What should you do? If you are going to tackle this on your own, then you need to prepare yourself to hear anything and not be in judgement. You need to want to know where your man is at, mentally, emotionally and physically even if it means there are some big issues to be dealt with. He may be hesitant because he is not used to being that open and emotionally available. If he is un-talkative or resistant, you must be willing to listen and not judge. This requires unconditional love. From this place you can ask him what would help him to feel safe. This is a must or the closed down man will not open up to you.

In the end, having an open and non-threatening conversation will be a big boost to your relationship, one where you can address sex after you know the quality of your emotional connection.

I am a YourTango expert and work with couples across the globe. Please reach out if you are in further need.

that's happening with me .... but he could be hiding something or you two aren't that attracted ... or it could just be that you two are more like a married couple. if you don't & he doesn't want to leave you then there shouldn't really be an issue... hope this helped. please check out my last question !

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