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What should I do?

Published on March 20, 2014 by yousayit

I was seeing a guy for about 3 months. Things started getting a bit more serious in the last two weeks we transitioned from friends to dating. I went to a party when we had just started getting serious and danced with an ex (no provacative dancing) and when the guy I am dating asked me about it I lied and said I didn't. He asked more than once and said no. He found out on his own via a video. Asked me again and I finally came clean! I broke his trust and I understand that. He wrote me this the other day when I wanted to know where we stand?

"I'm sorry I'm not trying to ignore you or anything I just think we should leave anything we had going alone for now I've been thinking a lot and its just how the whole situation made me feel I'm sorry I wish things were different but that's what I feel right now that if we keep going its just going to end in bad terms later on I'm really sorry we can leave it as friends because the feelings are there but I can't commit to something when I'm not 100% sure if that's what i want."

Is lying something that he can forgive. Should I just give it time or should I move on from what he wrote?


Dear yousayit,

It seems that the lie you told did injure his trust and fracture the relationship. He has made it clear that lying is a deal breaker for him and you must respect that. Whether or not he can eventually get over it is completely up to him and something you cannot control. I would apologize, tell him how you honestly feel and if it doesn't change anything, then you know it's time to move on. That is the consequence you must pay for lying. Learn this lesson now and let it help you make better decisions in the future.

My question to you is why would you dance with an ex while you're dating someone else? It doesn't matter how new your relationship is, if you're in a monogamous relationship, you shouldn't be dancing, flirting, texting, facebooking ex's or anyone you've ever had a love interest with. It's just asking for trouble and it's disrespectful. If you were really interested in this guy, why would you want to dance with an ex? What kind of a girlfriend do you want to be? It doesn't sound like you were that committed in the first place.

Sounds like you need to examine your own actions before asking him to change his mind about you.