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What is my fiancé "entitled" to do?

Published on April 30, 2014 by dazedandconfused74

I am engaged for about a year now, and we have been together for 3 years now. She feels that she is entitled to do what she feels is my best interest, to get things done faster, or to do XYZ without saying anything to me since we are engaged. Is there an entitlement or rights on her part to do such things?

Examples of this are getting my social security number and other info to get my credit report because I didn't want to discuss things at the time. Contacting schools because she feels I need more certifications, so she contacts the university I attended to get my transcripts. Both examples were not mentioned to me, but she felt he'd the right to do.

Am I off base thinking that she has no entitlement to do such things?

ANSWERS

Good relationships are built on respect and tenderness. This sounds like it is neither. Is she marrying you? or who she wants you to be? It will take some real guts to share how this makes you feel with her, and it might even break up the relationship, but better now than to see where this is headed. If you tenderly share instead of attacking or withdrawing, you'll still need to be prepared for the WRONG reaction. If she can't cop to disrespecting you then you need some help (couples therapy) or need out. But you will feel true to yourself and protective of self in a healthy way when and if you share with her.

Everyone grows up in different "countries" know as families, communities, cultures, etc. and we each have learned from a very young age the "rules" for talking about sensitive areas: sex, money, anger, emotions, what you want, how to express love, etc. Maybe she just grew up with different rules and she is following the rules about how you behave when you love someone - you take over and handle the details.

When you have a relationship with someone it is like a cross-cultural experience and you have to create your own "rules of engagement" together. Maybe you can both create a new approach together!

Pegotty Cooper, Certified Divorce Coach

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