ANSWERS

Don't give up on your marriage! Try to talk to him and work it out. And remember,there is NOTHING that God can't fix no matter how bad it is. I will be praying for you both.

I can relate how you are feeling. I am going through the same thing right now. What I ended up doing is writting a letter, as I just did not know how to tell him how I felt without it coming out wrong. I have not read the letter to my husband yet, as for some strange reason, everything that I had put into the letter, he has really improved on. It is almost like I read it to him. I do have it, so when the opportunity comes up I can read it to him and hopefully have a good talk and work things out. To make my own matters worse, I started an affair with a co-worker over a 1 1/2 years ago. It is very stressful and I would hope you would be able to either work things out with your husband before you do what I ended up doing. Even though I really like this guy, it makes things all the more confusing and complicated. Good luck! Let me know what happens.

I am a guy, maybe like your husband. Sometimes I have not "been there emotionally" for my wife. I tend to get stuck at work a lot. I also have a tendency to think my compliments about her looks and romantic abilities are enough. They aren't.

It is damned hard for her to do all he stuff she does, between work and community things and really have a lot of e day-2-day stuff around the house she needs more than a little appreciation.

She and I have learned that we have to build up the good times together. Sometimes that means we turn down other stuff, and the good times are NOT just in the bedroom. It takes effort to find fun things to do that won't cost a fortune, but it is worth it the effort!

Guys are not stupid, but we often need reminding. A nudge that "it's been a long time since you even got me grocery store flowers" might work, bur more likely you will need to say "hey Romeo, get some roses if you want me to feel special"... If you freak out over the price tag don't expect him to take that well...

It is too easy for most guys to literally not notice that they have not been keeping up with the chores and most women will grudgingly tidy up when he does not. A better solution ought to be worked out. Some some folks it means chore lists, for others it makes sense to make a game of it - nobody really enjoys scrubbing out the toilet, but if you put five chores on cards and draw em put of hat the fun that comes from say " I drew vacuuming but you got scrub the toilets" makes for a better feeling.

Emotional levels of connecting get shut down with disappointment, frustration and lack of empathy but to get that "working again" you have to build up the functional aspects of your relationship. In some ways it is not that different than when you were dating. Pretty rare to have romantic feelings about a date that shows up late, doesn't dress up and is generally a loser. On the other hand dates that show you how important your are make you want to get close.

Carefully think through what each of you is willing to work on to make your marriage better. Don't set a timeline. Don't throw down any ultimatum. Don't withhold your affection. Do try to use logic to set limits on how much you need to here / say. Do put the hard work into making your marriage a priority. It is worth it!

Even if one or the other of you has been unfaithful in some way the odds that you can put things back together and make a marriage that is stronger and better than any sort of fling or online encounter(s) are strong. Look back on the foundations of why you fell in love and forward to the kind of life that is worth feeling fulfilled by.

What I found out over the years is:

  1. When you married he was the best guy you knew in the world.
  2. If you don't keep the communication going, you lose touch.
  3. Marriage is difficult - it is a contract, and keeping that contract does have it's rewards, especially during "the end game" - when you are older and companionship is so important.
  4. Having an affair takes away "prime time" from your spouse. Having an affair is taking the "easy way out". Having an affair is a way to get attention, yes, but the time you spend on the affair could have more rewards for you at "the end game" if you work on your marriage.

Take these words from an old single lady!

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