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What does it when a guys says do what you want?

Published on August 7, 2012 by roidy80

Hi, long story short, I've been in love with my best friends for a couple of years, he's fully aware of this (known each other for 12yrs) We've spend a lot of time together have a good time. As he was recently seperated at the time he told he wasnt emotionally ready for a relationship when i told him i had feelings for him.

fast forward to now, we've had a very good friendship & the last five months have spent almost every wk together. He had to move to his mums for a while & at his mums he would ask me to stay the night so we could hang out. (Didnt have sex or anything like) We talked about us & he said we should remain friends, but see where it things go (romantically) I didnt want to push too much, but would flirt & he flirted back, we get along so well. 5wks ago I helped him moved to his own place & everything I thought was proggessing well, he ask to make myself a set of keys to his place & said to me to do what you want, the 1st couple of wks I help him set up unpacking etc...... I was spending most week ends at his place, hanging out with him & his friends etc. about 3wks ago he went distant & cold on me, wasnt sure but hoped I hadnt doe something to upset him......About a week ago he told things were moving to fast, he needed space, he said he thought I'd make a copy of keys spare not to keep them myself & he didnt like how I had taken over his place leaving some of my things around (clothes, jewellery etc, not a lot just a few things). .... I must admit i didnt see it coming i thought things were good & was very surprise as I thought when you say to someone do what ever you want to do, That you cant expect the other person not to assume they'll be cool with you bringing a few things. I thought since we are close & talked about everything that he wouldnt hassitate to tell if i was doing something wrong or something he wasnt comfortable with. Maybe I should of asked him before I brought stuff over, but what did he mean do what you want if it doesnt mean do what you want?


I hate to say this, but I think you're being used. He needs you as a friend so he isn't lonely, but he doesn't love you enough to be his official girlfriend. I've seen this happen, especially with guys in their 20s. (It's happening right now to a girl I know.)

You need to decide how long you're going to put up with this. If you are both over 22, you have some choices: One is to give an ultimatum, but I don't usually think that's very smart.

I think it's more effective for women to start up friendships with other men, admit that this relationship isn't a sure thing, and not spend all their spare time with Mr. Guy-friend. I would just be a little less available. Cut the time you spend with him in half. Don't see him every weekend. Don't change your attitude at all, be just as cheery and happy. Just stop giving him 100% of your time and attention.

Then he has to figure it out.

By the way, in my situation, I happen to know for sure that the guy who is hanging out with this girl does not love her, and doesn't think she is the kind he'd like to marry. But he spends a lot of time with her. I'm sure she thinks love is right around the corner. It's not.

Thanks, there a lot more to the story. But you are right I was too available to him, for the last few weeks I've organised things to do with my friends & havent seen him for two wks, its hard coz like i said there's more to the story (kids) his kids (he has full costody to them) & for as long as he has had custody I've been their only mother figure & I love them like if they were my own. I'm 31 His 38. We both eachother's ex's & he always said he wouldnt do what my ex did to me. he says he loves but there's always a but... : (

*meant to say we both know each other's ex's. I was introduced to ex's family (He is still close with the ex in-laws & they love me) it seems like everyone his friends, family, ex -inlaws & even the kids think we are great together except him.