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What does it mean when a guy can't decide if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not?
About nine months ago, I started hanging out with this one guy a lot. We had class together four days of the week, and we played on an intramural volleyball team together. But this wasn't he only time I would see him. We would get done with class at the same time, and he would ask me if I wanted to walk or ride the bus home with him. This would lead to him either hanging out at my place and doing homework or me heading to his place to do the same. We even stared spending most of the weekend together too. If I didn't see him during the day, he would either stop by my place at night or he would call to check in. I never thought in a million years that I would have this head-over-heals feeling, but for the first time in my life, I know what people are getting at when the say they have this feeling. It was going so smoothly; I couldn't believe it.
One night after we got done watching a movie, things got a little physical, and I was a little hesitant because we didn't haven't said anything to each other about where things were going. So, I stopped things before they got to far. I told him I wasn't comfortable doing things if we weren't in a some type of relationship. He told me he understood, but got quiet for a while. Then he told me that maybe we should slow down and make sure our feelings are in the right place. At this point, I took it has a slap in the face and was hurt by it. What made things even more confusing was he called me the next day to see how I was doing, and we continued with our plans together that day like nothing happened.
Before we were leaving for Christmas break, he wanted to talk about that one night. He wanted to know where I stood on having sex. I told him that I wouldn't even think about having sex if I wasn't in a committed relationship. He told me that he thinks that intimacy grows with the relationship, which I agree. So, we went our separate was over Christmas break, and I heard from him every single day. I got phone calls, txts, e-mails, and chatted online with him. Over the break I helped move my friend half way across the country and we stopped and stayed at his families house. I was treated like his girlfriend (even though him and I have never used that term for each other). After our stay there, he came with my friend and I to where she was moving to. We spent a week there sightseeing.
While at my friends every night around 1 in the morning, he wanted to talk. He started off with he feels differently about me than he has felt for the other girls he has dated. He told me that he has been thinking about me a lot, and he can't think of one thing that is wrong with me. However, he wasn't sure if we would be better off friends. This whole time I am trying to understand why what is going on with him. I don't want to pressure him into a relationship even though that is where I want us to go. We finish off with our time out with my friend.
When we get back to school, I asked him what we were going to do about us. And he said, I think we should just be friends. I was really upset. I told him it might talk me a while to adjust back to that, and I was just going to need time. I made him tear up. Five minutes after I left his place he called me to apologize for everything, and he told me he just isn't sure what to do about us. The next day, he acted like nothing was different. He still did special things for me for example I was having problems with my back at the time, and he saw a book on how to beat back pain and he bought it for me.
Then one night a group from school was going to go out to eat. However, we ended up going out to eat by ourselves then back to his place to watch a movie. And then it happened. He wanted to cuddle and what not again. And I asked what is going on? He say, I really want to see where this is going. We talked about the intimacy thing again. I don't think I was clear the first time. I don't want to get physical with a guy if it isn't going to go anywhere or have potential to go some where.
So we are good for 3 weeks or so and then he gives me this friend line again. All he tells me is that he feels like something is missing. Then a few weeks latter he is back wanting to see where it is going to go. I am struggling so much with this because before him I didn't think I would ever find someone like him. He really is everything I have been looking for, and I don't understand why he is hot and cold.
Just recently we had the talk again about him wanting to see what is going to happen between the too of us. We have this talk a little ove a week before he left for China for six weeks. So, now he has been there, and he has been in touch. I hear from him at least three times a week, but sometimes that is multiple e-mails in a day. He has called me too. I miss him like crazy, and I think about him very day. I want this to work out. I haven't had these feelings for anyone before. A couple of my friends think I am crazy for putting up with this, and I can't say they are wrong. I want consistency in my relationship with him. I wish there was something I could say or do to make him choose one why or the other and stick with it. I just need some clarity.