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What does a guy mean when he says: “I have a lot going on right now.”

Published on June 29, 2009 by starting_over

Ok a short summary: Met guy online; we never met; talked everyday; after father died he went awol on me. I finally heard from him and I asked him “are u still interested in me?” He never said he was or that he was not just “I have a lot going on right now”. Of course as a woman I am interpreting this so many ways. Tell me, honestly what does that mean? ( I know but I need yall to kick my arse and make me understand)


You're going to need to give this guy some more slack. I'm guessing it still hasn't been too long since his father's death. If he was really close with his Dad then he is dealing with a hell of a lot more than just funeral arrangements, paying for all those bills, left over medical bills, any other outstanding debts, arrangments on the home, etc...

If he has gotten past all of that then he is still going to need time to grieve. Some people take a long time to get over a family death. This is the worst possible time that you can be asking him "What about me?"

He has a lot on his plate emotionally, financially, and legally. Next time you talk with him just let him know that you are there for him in whatever way HE needs. Don't try to get him to open up or spill his heart or anything like that. He'll go through his grieving process in whatever way works best for him. Take a second to really understand what he is going through and ask yourself how you would feel if someone was asking you "What about me?" right now? I don't think you'd really want to think about that either with all the stuff you'd be going through.

To clarify, you met this guy online and had online communication...right? BUT you never met him in person; or have a formal face-to-face meeting...right? So, if both questions are RIGHT......why do you expect so much out of him. How would you know his dad passed away. If he said "he has a lot going on right now"; I personally interpret as he is not ready to meet with you. I dont think he's telling the truth. I believe you are smarter than waiting for him....I suggest you move on and find your true and real love. AND if he communicates with you again, try responding simply and benign & yet respectful, without so much "love & want" meaning in it. Try that a couple times, and see how he will react. Again, if he does not, move on. Good luck!

I've been in this same situation but different reasons... I am seeing (occasionally) and chatting with a guy i met online. He did the same by dropping off the grid and I did not hear from him... I asked a guy friend what my guy meant when he said "I've just been busy".. my guy friend kinda a chuckled and said "isn't that the line you girls use when a guy is just not that important at that particular time to talk to?"... I thought, yeah you have me there. This guy has since chatted with me and we are still interested in each other so when he disappeared he was actually busy and I was not on his "to do" list at that particular time. Let him deal and he will chat you up if he is still interested... if he answered you when you asked then that says a lot... if he wasn't still interested he would have just ignored you. Hope this helps. :)

Thanks Lawren. Thats what I thought as well. I was really nervous when I i left him a message that he would not call back. But he did. However, Like Tangerine said, I'm not going to literally wait for him.

And Qverb you are right as well. I definintely think he needs space thats why I asked him. I know where is at b/c I lost my dad a few yrs back.

Thanks all :)

It the fact that he wants to deal with u right now but to much is going on in his personal life that he cannot share with u, but trust me everyone goes through it, hell i have to much going on rightnow to be dealing with someone, but eventually love he will come around