YOUR VOTE1 0
What Do I Do If I've Been In Love With The Same Girl For Years?
I've asked this a few times on others sites as well...so it's probably best to just paste the whole thing here...
To start things off, I'm 23 years old. Currently, I'm a college student, mall cop, and unwilling target of unrequited love since I was 17...my longest occupation yet. No matter how desperately I try to move on...all I see is her, and it's been this way before I was even consciously aware of how I felt for this girl.
For privacy purposes, let's just call this young lady J.
I was a senior in high school when this drama began to unfold...J was a junior. I already had more than enough of the necessary credits to graduate (I was quite the "workaholic" in my earlier years) and was just planning to breeze by senior year with fun classes.
J and I met when we both ended up in the same Performing Arts class. I didn't really pay much attention to her at first. She was a vocal girl, always voicing out her thoughts and opinions, even when they didn't make much sense. Didn't have a shy bone in her body...and though I find that trait endearing now....it irritated me back then. I was, and still am, a socially awkward guy who keeps his thoughts to himself, more or less.
One day, before class started, J comes up to me and introduces herself. I was confused, considering we never said so much as a word to each other before. However, it turns out she noticed the shirt I was wearing (anime), and it revealed a common interest for us, which in turn, lead to a long, laugh-filled conversation.
An odd friendship grew that day, and proved to me that first impressions can be dead wrong and stupid....
Now, J had one or two boyfriends back then. The first one I was fine with....our friendship had just started and that was all I thought of her at first, a friend and nothing more. Life continues.
Fast forward a few months later, and it turns out J and the boyfriend have broken up. I comfort her, be the shoulder she can lean on, the silly friend. I'm still not feeling the sparks yet. I still see her as a friend.
It isn't about another month or so later that I began to feel something stir inside me. Every time she talked about her crushes, I felt some weird twinge in my heart, like it literally hurt. I didn't like it...so I ignored it. Pushed it back, kept it in. I STILL wasn't sure what the hell that feeling was, and I really didn't want to know....
Unfortunately, I wasn't given much time to sort out those foreign feeling invaders, because a few days later, J walks into the library, hand in hand with a new boyfriend. That feeling I so desperately tried to push back sky-rocketed to my throat, then dropped down to my stomach like an asteroid.
I had a love epiphany at the worst possible time, and the pain was excruciating....
Fast forward again to 3 years later....20 years old, J being 19. Though the boy who made me get the damn epiphany didn't last very long with J, she did end up finding her current long-term boyfriend. The man was a few years older than J, and lived in a different state. He had asked her to move in with him, and she agreed. Cue my heart shattering to pieces on the floor.
That isn't to say I haven't been trying to get past this, because believe me, I have....
I had a few girlfriends here and there, trying my darndest to summon up the feeling for them that I feel for J (which, sadly, is steadily growing even larger over the years), so that I could move the **** on. Nothing. I liked them.....but as I stated earlier, all I could ever see was J.
Distance has done NOTHING to diminish that feeling. Because now, at 23 years old, I am still hopelessly and stupidly in love with a girl who has a long-term boyfriend. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. We still talk quite often...and every single time I manage to gather enough balls to try and tell her how I feel, I get thwarted by the side of me that says it just really isn't a good idea, and end up steering the conversation elsewhere.
I don't know what else to do anymore. The more I try to get away, the more these feelings reel me in, the more I try to get over it and forget, the more I end up remembering. I've even tried emotionally distancing myself from her for at least 2 years when she moved away, and that was more painful than talking to her and hearing her voice. Now we talk everyday....and I feel as though I've jumped back to square one.
...That's the shortest I could actually make it....if you'd actually like more detail on the situation, then I'll be glad to provide.