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What did/ would you do?

Published on February 4, 2010 by erinmystic

Since people can't just answer the questions asked and think I need their 2 cents, here is my question revised. PLEASE JUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ASKED... I could care less about the advice... I DO NOT need the advice, because I made a decision more than 6 months ago.

(Men) 1. Did you ever live with a women, who you "weren't sure" about or knew you would never marry? 2. Why did you live with them, when you "weren't sure" about them or knew you would never marry them? 3. Were you wrong and you DID end up marrying them? 4. When did you know your wife/ fiance was "THE ONE" (days, weeks, months, years)? 5. How old were you? 6. How long did it take you to pop the question (days, weeks, months, years)? 7. How old were you, when you popped the question? 8. Are you still happily married?

(Women) 1. How long were you with your husband/ finance, before he asked you to marry him? 2. Did he ever tell you that you were, "THE ONE" or he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you? When (days, weeks, months, years)? 3. How old were you? 4. How long would you live with a man, who "wasn't sure" about you, before you broke up with him? 5. Are you still happily married to them?

(Men and Women) 1. Do you agree with my assumption, "not ready" but SURE is OK, but "not sure" isn't OK, after 2 years of being with someone and 1 year of living with someone? 2. Essentially, "If you don't know by now, you're never going to know"?


I dated my now husband for 3 years before we got married and we were both sure almost from the beginning that we would marry. In fact, I wouldn't date him in the beginning because I knew that he was the type of guy you marry. We both don't believe in THE ONE. So we never expressed that to one another, but we both knew we wanted to make our relationship work.

We were married at 22, which is pretty young. We are still married and yes, I would say happily so. Almost 5 years now.

I think if you are still "unsure" after being with someone for 2 years then you either have a problem with the concept of marriage or the concept of marrying that person. But essentially, I think that 2 years is plenty time to feel out whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Now, I say that but I add a caveat, some people aren't sure about marriage, what it will look like or how it will change their lives. That is something they can be unsure about after 2 years, but time won't change that--seeking advice, talking to married folks or someone who you trust, that changes an attitude toward commitment.

I hesitate to say "it's okay" to not know. Because I don't believe in the concept of the one. I only believe in the concept of the one person you choose to make it work with. So, sure you may be hesitant and have doubts, everyone does (I still do!). But once you make that commitment you are saying basically, whatever doubts I have I am sticking with you. You have to commit. You can't always be on the fence. You have to throw yourself in and commit to making it work, doubts and all. Staying on the fence is ensuring failure. I hope that answers your questions.

  1. Did you ever live with a women, who you "weren't sure" about or knew you would never marry?

The opportunity hasn't really come up. Knowing myself I would live with a woman I wasn't sure I would marry. For me, the thought of living with someone before marriage is a must. I want to know what life would be like living together, day in and out, to see if we can still continue to work things out and grow as a couple just as we were doing before living together. I don't think I could enter into doing something like that if I definitely knew I wouldn't marry.

  1. Why did you live with them, when you "weren't sure" about them or knew you would never marry them?

Adding to what was already stated, I don't believe that just because 2 people are in love that they are therefore ready to enter into living life with each other for the rest of their days. I've really loved a number of my exes, but that doesn't mean we were compatible for life. Living with my gal would be the next step towards learning if we could have a successful marriage or not.

And the rest is geared towards married couples.

Aside from that, Erinmystic, I did see you last question and while Adrian may not have answered your questions directly it was a good that myself and many others here would have given. As you've no doubt seen by now, most folks are looking for advice in the "Ask a Question" section.

  1. Yes, after college I lived with a girl who I knew I would never marry

  2. I was 21, she was attractive, and where we lived was not an ideal place to meet new people. In other words, she was the "best option available".

  3. After a year of living together I couldn't stay on the hamster wheel and I move across the country.

  4. I'm not married, but "the one that got away" I still love. I knew I loved her, and knew she could have been "the one" after about 3 months.

  5. I was 29

  6. Never got the opportunity

  7. I was ready to get married when I met her, at age 29.

  8. No

We were together about 5 1/2 years before he proposed. That was when he told me he wanted to spend the rest of our lives together; he did not say it before that, although we talked about whether or not we wanted to get married before he proposed. I was in my in my mid-twenties. We are still together. I don't know how long I would live with a man who wasn't sure about me. The first question would be was I sure about him. It took me a long time to be sure myself. It would also depend if I thought he wasn't sure about marriage or wasn't sure he loved me.

No, I don't agree with your assumption. I would find it confusing if someone was sure they wanted to marry me but not ready. Also, two years of being together and one year of living together was not enough for me. I needed more time to get over fear of being stuck in a bad marriage.