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What can a woman do to let her man know that he is wanted and appreciated by her?

Published on June 14, 2012 by snowangel

Not just sexually, but in ALL ways. i.e.-Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, etc. etc)


GF:There is only 1 think I want BF:What? GF:You BF:No u dnt GF:I do. Y u think I don't? BF:I just do GF: You sure it's not the other way around? BF: Yep GF: What can I do to make you believe me? BF: Idk


Hello, I'm not sure how old you are, but my suggestion would be to have a conversation in person (vs text messaging) and talk to him about what you appreciate about him (be specific). Talking about what you appreciate is really the same as telling someone you really like them. You're affirming who they are. Until you are in an actual relationship, it's a fine line between talking about your feelings and what you appreciate and not scaring him away. So...speak from the heart but take into consideration where you are in the relationship. Good luck! Denise LaFrance, Certified Women's Coach

Thanks for the advice. I am 25 he is 30. Our relationship has been a bit rocky (from my perspective) for a few months now. Over the past month he has claimed to be very stressed dealing with family and financial issues and has become even more distant than usual (rarely ever initiating any contact with me, me always being the one to initiate it with him...or so it feels that way to me). About a week ago though he stopped by to see me before leaving to go out of town and told me that I worry too much when I tried to see what had been going on. And once again claimed to have been super stressed & depressed dealing with everything and not wanting to drag me into it.

When I approach him about such things in person though he is just as evasive as he is via text. Any suggestions on how to get him to open up more?

Hi SnowAngel!

For each of the different types of compatibility~emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual you could tell him or leave him notes about what makes you appreciate and want him.

For example: Emotional--Honey, I appreciate how you listen to me when I've had a rough day, and you don't give me solutions, because you know that is not what I need--I just needed you to listen to how I was feeling. Physical--Sweetie, I really enjoy when you do _ to me. Spiritual--Darling, the way you encourage me to explore who I am and what my purpose here in life is makes me feel that we're connected closer to one another, thank you. Intellectual--It is so great that we're able to have lengthy discussions about , it shows me that you really care about what I think and that our values are similar.

The list goes on and on, and I agree with the other posters--it will be unique to your relationship.

However, the more you encourage, praise, and show appreciation the more you'll see those positive behaviors. It's called positive reinforcement. Focus on what you want more of--verbalize this to your partner, and see what happens over time.

Working with a Mars Venus Coach, taking an online Mars Venus Coaching workshop (Secrets of Successful Relationships), or reading Dr. John Gray's best-selling relationship books (he has over 16 and counting) can give you more ideas as well.

Best wishes,

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd Mars Venus Coaching

Thank you very much Lyndsay. You actually made me think of something. Is it possible to not reciprocate the emotions shown by a man towards you during the initial phases of a relationship to the point where he begins to withdraw and feel unwanted/unappreciated?

I have heard of the "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" book/audio tape. I will definitely look into that and try some of your suggestions.

Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Each person expresses and receives love in different ways. Chapman classifies these different ways of showing love into five broad "love languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Find the one or two love languages to which he seems to be the most oriented. For guys the major love language is most often physical touch (surprise!) To have the greatest success in expressing your desire/appreciation/love for your boyfriend and the message being understood. If you try and use a love language in which he is rather weak, much of your message isn't going to register with him. It's not just like trying to speak to him in Swahili, where he doesn't know what you're saying, but like you're speaking in a pitch so high that it's above his range of hearing (like a dog whistle) - he's not even aware you're saying anything.

As I said, physical touch is the most common love language among men. "Touch" does not necessarily mean sex (though most men won't complain much if it does) - anything that puts you in contact with him will make him feel good. It can be holding hands, kissing, putting your head on his shoulder, sitting next to him on the couch while watching TV, even just touching his arm as you head out the door to work. The more you touch him, the better he'll feel (even if he's not consciously aware of it). You can also invite him to touch you (he'll like that) - have him hold you while you're standing in line. Or say your shoulders are stiff and ask him to rub them.

Words of affirmation (praise) is also usually a pretty strong love language with guys. Thank him when he does something (even something minor) - let him know he did a good job and you appreciate it. Take the opportunity to give him a compliment or tell him something you like about him. Be specific rather than general in your praise and compliments ("That shirt really shows off your arms" rather than "You look good") - it says you're paying attention if you're noticing the details. Bragging on him to friends is always good - word will get back to him and it shows you're proud of him. Brag on him with friends while he's present and he'll feel 10 feet tall.

Whatever love language(s) you use with him, make sure that you're the one to initiate things with him a fair amount of the time. Doing so says you're doing it because you want to, not just because you're responding to him. Enthusiasm for your guy is priceless. There's no more powerful a drug to a guy than knowing you could be doing whatever you want, you're doing EXACTLY what you want, and that's what you doing with him right now. Every guy wants to be his lady's choice.

Finally, it should go without saying that it is worthwhile to determine what YOUR love languages are, so he can communicate with you in the form you are most adept at receiving (no reason you can't go through the book together).