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What can I do to get my married life back

Published on May 6, 2010 by efredc

Married 42 yrs, wife had tummy tuck 3 yrs ago, Dr. found Cancer on leg, so she stopped taking hormone, got numb from surgery in lower stomach area, stopped having sex. been three years since we had sex. We hardly hug, we are communication less, she works and I am retired. Our married life is going away slowly for no sex and no cuddling. She refuses to go for therapy.


Married 42 Years,

It sounds like you really love your wife and I hear that you are missing your connection with her. I suspect that the changes that have taken place in your marriage have nothing to do with sex. It sounds like your wife is experiencing a great deal of emotional pain that she doesn't know how to handle. Everyone has their own journey. And it can be very difficult when you don't know how to help the person you love. One thing you might consider is to open yourself up to her in a way you haven't before. Be vulnerable. Share with her your fears. It might look something like this. "Honey I have really missing you lately. You don't seem to want to be close to me and I wonder if I have done something to push you away from me?" It may take some patience but if you approach it as being about loving her and how the lack of connection between the two of you is hurting you rather than it being that something is wrong with her she may eventually open up to you. It's scary to be vulnerable on both sides of the coin. Good luck to you.