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We're so into each other but there seems to be no future for our relationship.

Published on October 6, 2010 by dessiwaty

Hello. Well here's the situation. I met this guy online almost a year ago and we fell into each other in a short period of time. And now we've been in a relationship for 10 months. I know this sounds crazy but I love him and feel so connected to him, and he feel the same way about me. We live a world apart but we keep in touch whether through phone calls or emails. One day he asked me to come to the states where I could be together with him and pursue a better career there. Well I thought it was a good idea since I have never met him in persons. But when I talked to my parents about this, they gave me their disagreement. They said that it was nonsense for me to move to the states. I know they must be worried about me meeting someone that I just met online. But then again, my parents started pushing me to get a job here. Well, since there seems to be no chance to get their approval, so lately I've been thinking about getting a job here in my country which means, I'm not coming to the states. What hurts me most, is, that he's been thinking to get everything ready for my arrival. He's going to get a new house for us and been thinking about marriage. I tried to talk to him about this, that the only way it will work out is him moving here. But he said he could not do that. So, I'm so confused now, I don't know where this relationship leads us to. What should I do?? And I'm too afraid to tell him that I'm thinking about getting a job here. Please, let me know what to do. Thanks.

ANSWERS

You don't give your age, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt and put you in your mid twenties. At what age do you stop allowing your parents to make decisions for you? You have to live your life, and that means that you will not always have everyone-including your parents-agreeing with you.

Now, as for moving in with someone you've never met: you need to get to know him first. Chatting with someone online or talking on the phone doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the person. You don't know this man's living habits, you haven't met hs family, you haven't spent quality time with him. How well does he know you? He doesn't know how it is to be around you on a day to day basis. You also say that he's going to get a house for the two of you. The problem with that is, if things don't work out, it's HIS house. YOU would have to leave, and then where would you be? I say that because you said that he was thinking about marriage, and that came AFTER your statement about him getting a house.

I am all for your independence, but it has to ne YOUR independence. That means that you get yourself established ON YOUR OWN. You don't need a man to get yourself started in ANY part of the world. If you want to come to the states, then do it, but not for a man.

couldn't you guys visit each other first?

i met an american a few years ago too. we had an online relationship for a year but we also visited each other 4 times - twice each. we were planning to get married, we put in our application for the K1 fiancee visa. then the relationship ended because we started arguing a lot and realised we weren't right for each other.

although it felt right at the time, i'm glad we spent time together and got to know each other better first. lucky the relationship ended before i moved there!!

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