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We're engaged but I don't know where this would lead us to?

Published on October 6, 2010 by dessiwaty

Dear Counsleors,

I've been with a guy for 10 months now. We met online and we felt this click ever since we started talking on the phone and decided to start a relationship in a few days later. He used to be so sweet and understanding. We talked about a lot of things and felt like we're so connected. He proposed me 3 months later, well it's funny because we never met but he said that he was certain that he wanted to marry me. Well, all is said, all is done. I said yes. I know we sound like 2 teenagers crazy in love but lately he changed. He's not as sweet as he was and he started blaming me for every little thing happened to him. He asked me to come to the states where he lives at to start a life together with him. The problem is, I live a world apart from him. And my parents are against this. And I don't know either if that would ever happen, unless he decided to move here to Indonesia. And I could say that all these things influenced me, all is confusing now. And I couldn't blame him when he told me that I'm not the same loving person anymore. How do I have to behave when there seems to be no way for us to be together?

Thanks for your advice.




Dessi - if your warning bells arent going up yet then i lovingly say take your head out of the wedding bells and ask your intuition what is REALLY going on here. Living worlds apart, not having met in person, and the toxic energy that seems to be going on here is reason enough to end this relationship. How do you behave, you love yourself enough to be honest with yourself? You value yourself enough to know that you don't need a relationship, you choose to be with a partner who loves you for who you are. And you TRUST your intuition. My intuition says something isnt right here. So i ask you to talk to yours and get honest with yourself about what you are wanting for your life first, even before considering the relationships. If you want to leave Indonesia then do it on your own, not for a man. If you don't want to leave Indonesia, then stop the relationship. Most of all Dessi, love yourself with heart Christine

Hi.Dessi, I wanted to ask you whether being with this man is really what you want? It sounds as if you are feeling pressured to make the decision to be with him. It does not sound to me that this is what you want, but rather settling for this opportunity. Relationships can be difficult, but look and take the time you need to find what you really want. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into a decision. If the man you find really cares about you, he will negotiate decisions with you without putting you down, without demands, and will treat you well. Don't settle for anything else.

Hello. Despite all the rejections and disapproval that come from my family, I haven't met this guy yet so I really want to take the opportunity to know him in persons first. I feel a click on him through the phone and emails, and I wanna know if there's a click too if I meet him in person. I know it sounds like settling this opportunity, I oftentimes ask myself either, is this what I really want? Well the answer is, I want it, and I honestly don't want to give up on him. We've tried to talk about it a few times, but he said that I should've told him from the beginning that I'm not gonna come and be with him. The question is, do you think he really loves me when he said that if I do really love him, I should never hear what everybody would tell me but just leave and come be with him? To be honest, that's the part that pressure me most. Thank you.