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We have no communication for more than a month

Published on April 9, 2014 by lily_robin

My boyfriend and I have no communication for more than a month. Is that his way of breaking up with me? and if we are broken up, should I still seek for a closure from him?

  • I did not had a chance and the guts to greet him on his bday because I thought I would just mess his day
  • He didn't contacted me on our anniversary so I guess it's like what it's like. :(

ANSWERS

There are other situations that you may need to explore with someone who understands the complexities of your situation. However, as a Your Tango Expert, there are some general answers that can help people in your type of situation.

There is a tendency to come to conclusions about what is going on rather than finding out what is actually taking place. Your question presumes that he is intentionally not communicating with you (as a way of breaking up). While this could well be, here are some other alternatives: - he had been expecting you to contact him and is hurt that you are not communicating, especially when you missed his birthday - other things in his life are stopping him from being able to communicate (work, illness, etc) - he has communicated in a way that did not get through to you (such as spam folders on email) - he didn't blow you off on your anniversary - he simply forgot it or thinks of a different day as your anniversary The best course would be to initiate communication and find out what is going on.

If you have other reasons to know that it is the end of the relationship or if you are ready to call an end to the relationship, then you probably are better to work this out on your own. He can give you some answers but this will not be what really gives you closure and the learnings to move forward.

If you are going to continue in a relationship, you may want to seek help from a marriage therapist - even though you aren't married yet. Expectations and communication are areas that person can work with you both about. I have been the third marriage therapist an engaged couple had come to see to work on different issues. You can find someone through the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists or if in New York through my practice, www.SeekingShalom.org.

Yes there could be lots of reasons why he hasn't contacted me but I forgot to include in my message that the very first reason that we do not have communication is that he changed his contact number. He texted me that he will change his number but he did not give me his new number. I tried calling his old number twice but it was out of coverage. I tried to reach him through facebook but he deactivated his account. He only activated his fb account the day after our anniversary. Eventhough I could chat him in fb this time, i did not bother because i have mixed emotions of love and anger towards him. I miss him but at the same time I'm mad at him. I just feel hurt whenever i think that he just throw me away like that. What do you think I should do?

Lily,

It sounds from your additional information that he was intentionally cutting off communication but also that he reopened a possible method of communication. It sounds like you need to decide what you are wanting with respect to him and also how you want to get over the hurt that you have felt and still feel. It would be good to have someone who can help you explore your situation and walk beside you on your path at this time. You may want to look into the resources I offered in the first profile.

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