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We argue about everything?

Published on March 1, 2010 by ringera86

We've been arguing with my boyfriend very frequently of late and its over very small matters,e.g Communication,who is right on what who is wrong,one of us says something but the other takes it in the negative even if thats not what one party meant. we hardly kiss anymore, we hardly say I love you to each other. I know I shouldn't complain but I was wondering he never bought me a valentine present though we argued on that day, I gave him his present later on but still he hasnt bought me,its not a bother to me but he never buys me anything I can only remember on like 2 or 3 occasions. When we argue its always over something I have done or said,I once asked Him;Will I be seeing you today? and we really argued because He said I should have asked will you be home so that I come see you? If I want to see Him I have to go to his place. At times I get really frustrated and tired I need help. I love him i really do but I do not know what to do and I really want to sort things out in my relationship.

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He also has to really want to make it work and be willing to work on the problem. If he isn't, it just won't work. I'd say to ask him how committed he is to the relationship and if he wants to work on the issue. Then try to set some rules in place for arguments. No raising your voices. Only starting sentences with "I". Waiting 30 seconds in between to reflect on what one person says before responding. Patience is the key to working through arguing. However, it may be a reality that you two just aren't compatible and if that's the case, you'll eventually have to accept it and go your separate ways. But it's definitely worth trying to work through first. And there's always couples therapy too.

He says he is very committed ive tried talking about setting some rules about what we do and I ask him to contribute but he doesnt think rules work. You said therapy or talking to someone well I tried telling him that once but its like I had mentioned an alien from outer space. As you've said,maybe we are just not compatible however that maybe hard to handle I could as well think about that. and thanks alot Adrian.

Whenever I find my husband and I fighting too much. I let him know that I am tired of fighting and that I am not blaming him or mad at him, but I love him too much to keep bickering. Then I try to reach for a hug or a snuggle or something. And we usually try to do something that doesn't involve too much talking, watching a movie or TV shows on netflix or something. Give yourselves some time to just be and talk.

Also, refuse to fight. I know you feel hurt and justified by your complaints and maybe you are, but just for a week or a couple days, simply refuse to fight. Return all rough words or complaints with compliments and kindness. When he criticizes, just say thank you and move on. I often find that when my husband comes home spoiling for a fight, the best tactic is to say "How was your day?" and that usually gives me some insight into his attitude and frustrations.

Fights are cyclical. One person gets hurt, tries to hurt the other person, who in turn returns the jab, its a vicious cycle and one that won't end until you end it. I am not saying you are the one in the wrong, but I do think it is worth a shot. But make sure you don't play the role of martyr. Everytime he gripes, try to remind yourself of one of the reasons you like him. If you can't think of any, maybe its time to reevaluate the relationship.

if you hardly kiss anymore, then you shouldnt be in a relationship with him... i was going to say sometime argument shows how much chemistry one have with an other but i would be wrong in your case... i was in one like that but we always made up...

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