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Was he a narcissist or didn't like me enough?

Published on March 24, 2014 by archerunk

he's workaholic, selfish, critical, self-centered, and ambitious about fame. he said once that his priorities were always college and his YouTube cover videos first, and then relationship. how do you know if he is a narcissist or just didn't like me enough to work it? we've been together for 8 months and I've had enough, but i can't tell if the problem was mine by giving always more into this commitment emotionally, and he never give enough of it, sometimes it was just none emotion. i always felt for months that something was not right, but i couldn't know quite right what or why, so i kept testing him, and I've seen the worst behavior from him. My friends were always saying to me that i should break up (that he's to selfish, he want different things, and he's not right for me) but i ignored it, and i tried to do something about it... but it only it got worst. i only saw the real him, when i finally wanted to broke up for real... he started to disrespect me, he disrespected my mother (when i always gave my house for us to do our thing, since we are gay and he wasn't out of the closet in public or to his parents - he said that was no problem at all for us to work out as a relationship) and was always putting me down professionally and calling me a kid (that was the only arguments he always had), and i decided to finally break up....

he wanted to stay friends, but i said no, it's obvious we need space to move on each other and he didn't even respected me enough to be a friend or respect us not to talk for some months now, what the hell was he thinking? I tried and tried, but i couldn't reach him, and i still don't know why. i always gave him space for his life and all other stuff, so i can't say i was obsessed or anything. when i ended it was a relief, but it's been a month and it's been harder then i though. i can tell if it was just me that wasn't enough for him to love me, and give just like i gave within time, or if he's a narcissist and i simply couldn't do nothing anymore, since people never change. he only experience was one relationship that he was cheated, 3 years ago, and it seems that he didn't let go of it too... not that he still likes him, but i feel his anger about it, resentment for being cheated and thats the excuse he uses for him to be so cold and not believing on the emotional side, and only rational. why was he in this relationship with me after all this time? lol. i believed that it was only a matter of time to get more emotional, but i guess it was a bullshit, and i was only blind. he somehow tricked me to let my self-esteem go down with his general critics about everything, for me to get adapted to him to save this relationship (i tried to end the relationship other times, i just didn't end it because i was blinded about him), and i forgot to listen to my voice... i feel so stupid.

he has a HUGE ego, that's why i think he can’t learn or ear me out when i say he has big problems to resolve with himself as a person. he goes out on the street, and he thinks hes famous everywhere in my country just because of some cover videos he does on YouTube with 1,000 views or less daily. He leaves in a reality that he is better than everyone, he puts himself on a pedestal not only with me, but people in general. (his teachers, partners of work, etc). how is he expecting for someone to carry with this? or i am a dog, or i have a huge ego as him and treat him like shit. i guess that's the point and conclusion i came to have since i've gone away for almost a month with no contact with him, i couldn't take no more... i was blinded by his ways... i didn't know exactly what was wrong, i just felt it. i just though he was insecure, scared (since the lack of experience with relationships and was cheated last time), so i fighted for the relationship, and tried to pull him off the square he lives in. but anyway, i did a research, and i think i can agree with some topics about "the codependent"... is it my fault, for me to be like this, who damaged the relationship? i always had my opinion on things, although, i was always corrected by him in the end, he was always right about everything... i started to shut my mouth, because he said i was always starting fights, when i was just speaking my mind of what i think it was wrong generally. It was a painful experience for me break up with someone i tried so much to work. he didn't even had the guts to end the relationship... when i broke up, he was like "so, we brake up or not?" and i was like "dafuq? can't you see that we're not happy and not fine with this relationship?", he basically put everything on me, like it was my fault and responsibility. it's hard been the one who has to dump the other one, cause for a lot of times i wanted to talk to him again and see if he changed, or if he had is hand on the conscience of how wrong he was, but if he as all this characteristics of a narcissist, i guess that he will never think where he was wrong and admit it...

help me on this one, thanks.


Dear archerunk,

First of all, if this person has such a huge ego and isn't giving you what you want out of a relationship, why do you want to be in a relationship with them? It is difficult to let go of something or someone we've invested a lot of our time, emotions, heart and money into. When that is suddenly gone, whether by choice or not, it still leaves a little bit of a hole.

We could speculate all day as to what his problem is. It is possible he is too afraid of being cheated on again so he puts everything else first because he feels he's keeping himself in a safe place emotionally, so then if it happens, he's not left with his heart spinning again. This happens when people do not deal with their baggage and move on from it.

However, no matter what, all you can do is accept that this is how he's chosen to live his life and conduct his relationships. If this does not meet your emotional needs for a relationship, then stand by your decision and let go. Take the time to mourn the loss of the relationship, surround yourself with good friends, and try to do activities that make you feel good and help distract you from thinking about it.

I promise, after awhile, the pain will subside and eventually go away. You'll find someone else who will put as much time and emotion into you as you do into them. Just give yourself time to heal and the space to allow this person to come into your life and don't waste your time on someone who doesn't give you what you want.

Good luck.