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"Wants to be friends"

Published on November 20, 2012 by xladyrainicornx

So me and this guy have been friends for a while. He has had a hard time through his whole life. His mom is an alcoholic and he hates all of his family.He is in the National guard also. In the past month, me and him had gotten really close. He was like my ideal guy. He had everything i could ever ask for. He also liked me a lot.We ended up acting like a couple and I decided to go visit him. The day I went to visit him he lost his job and his food stamps. It was a tough time for him but I was there to support him and pull through it. That weekend he was supposed to go to a Drill thing for the military. He didn't have a ride so he didn't go. He then got charged with AWOL. He came to me CRYING and I helped himthrough all that. He told me he loved me at the time because I was the only close thing he had. We then started dating and everything seemed great! He treated me like a princess and he was just truly amazing. The next weekend I was supposed to go down and see him again but I was unable to make it. He was really upset just because he couldn't see me. After that, he acted different whenever we talked to me. He seemed unhappy and down. Then he texted me and that the hour long distance was killing him and he couldn't do it. I was really upset. He said that he wanted to be best friends until he could actually be closer and see me every day instead of on the weekends. Ever since then he hasn't talked to me and that was over a week ago. I feel like everything I did wasn't good enough. I helped him through everything and I was the only one that was there for him through all his hard times. I don't get it. What is going through his head? Was he just tired of the week long relationship? someone else? Or is he just protecting his own heart? Please help!

ANSWERS

I would make a list of everything that worked in the relationship and everything that didn't. Include what felt good and what didn't. Then write a new list, everything you want in a ideal relationship. Notice how many positive things about this guy are in your wish list and notice if the benefits out weigh the heart ache. Now look through the dream man list and consider all the ways you are those ideal qualities for yourself. The key is to be everything you want in a man for yourself first and then the right one will come along that will stand strong by your side rather than lean on you until you fall over it crushes you and your spirit. Do the exercises and let me know what you discover about your desires and if this guy is a match.

Your instincts are dead on about your efforts not being good enough. Who can say what's going on in your friend's head, but whatever it is, you'll go nuts trying to figure it out. The probable reason you can't figure it out is that you can't possibly think like he is. If he's clinically depressed (and it sounds like he is) your friend isn't thinking rationally -- and it is impossible to make an irrational person think rationally just as it's impossible to make sense out of what's irrational unless you are, too.

You sound like a nice woman, empathetic, helpful, a rescuer of hurt things. You will never get that same helpfulness and empathy in return. Hurt things are consumed by their hurt and have no room for your needs.

Best to back off and leave this relationship alone unless you want to be trapped doing his unhappy bidding.

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