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Very, VERY tired . Please help.

Published on August 24, 2013 by christen j

Hello! I would like to thank u in advance for reading this post in its entirety. And please hold off on any judgment or negative comments because that doesn't help the situation. I'm going to be honest so I can paint the full picture and hopefully get the feedback that I need. I have a boyfriend. We have been on and off for five years. Obviously, we're "on" right now (this has lasted for the past two years). We've been living together since January but I'm moving by myself next week because he fibs about stupid, silly shit and I've told him time and again to stop but, at some point, there has to be some sort of action taken. So, I do love him and he's pretty great overall but lying about silly shit makes me feel uneasy, especially when I'm sharing a space with that person. Anyway , I started a new job about five months ago and I met a guy that works there. We started hanging out and getting drinks together. Of course, things have progressed over the past few months and we have developed feelings for each other and he has told me that he would like to be in a relationship with him. I believe this is a case of "I'm not getting this and that at home so I've fallen for someone who has what I've been doing without". Believe it or not, I like someone who can forthright with me and just let me know what's going on. Being able to trust your word is important to me. There's also other little things that I can nitpick about and compare but that's not too important. I'm not perfect either so I'm sure this can go both ways. Anyway, I've had a great time with my coworker. We go out, have fun, have good conversation, and just have pretty good chemistry. I've found myself feeling "alive" again in many ways and I like it. Problem is: he is emotionally abusive. I'm at a point right now where I'm sitting on my couch and have decided that I've had about enough. It hurts though. Some examples of his "abusive" behavior is calling me stupid or an idiot when he gets frustrated, playing head games with me to gain control, groping me at work and then punishing me later for telling him to knock it the fuck off (saying things like "you are very immature and not intimate and I am disgusted with your stupidity and actions at work), making jokes when I try to explain my feelings about his comments, completely disrespecting me the night before and then coming into work with a smirk on his face and says "what's wrong? Is everything ok?", ETC... The list goes on. I've dealt with it because it wasnt an everyday thing and I was trying to see the good through the bad but now I've just had enough and I care enough about my sanity to just end this shit now. So, my question isn't what should I do but how do I get through this and have any of you ever dealt with a person like that? What are your thoughts? I may deserve to be hurt since I am cheating but that doesn't soften the blow. The way my feelings have been played with almost seems sadistic. It's sick, humiliating, confusing and a huge slap in the face. I just want to cope..

ANSWERS

No dear, no one deserves to be treated like that, even if you have strayed from your relationship. Don’t let his head games affect the way you think about yourself. To get through it, you need to firmly shut it down with your coworker. Keep a purely professional relationship, and don’t let him worm his way back in. Commit yourself to things that please you, whatever that might be (hobbies, self-improvement, etc.). Take this time to focus on yourself and how you ended up in this situation in the first place, so you don’t make the same mistake again. Good luck.

Hello Christen J,

I understand you want to know how to just cope with your current situation. I understand you don't want to be told what to do. So, I won't. I'll give you some truths, observations and some things to think about so you can decide what to do.

Truth - It isn't okay for anyone to emotionally abuse you. Ever. Observation - By recognizing the unhealthy controlling the current treatment you're showing how smart and aware you are of what is and isn't okay.

Observation - Moving out of your current situation you're showing how important it is to be able to trust the person you live with.

Observation – The uncomfortable, hurt, disgusted, disrespected, sick, humiliating, and confusing feelings you’ve had with both men are important to pay attention to because they’re your true feelings.

Truth – You like someone to be forthright with you. Being emotionally abusive isn’t being forthright. It’s being a mean bully.

Observation – You care enough about your sanity to want to just ‘end this s--t.’

Some things to think about – 1. Who’d you be without a man in your life? If just for a short time to get aquainted with yourself. 2. What do you want and need from a relationship? 3. Do you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who you can trust and who makes you feel good all the time you’re with them? 4. Are you willing to look at the reasons inside of you that cause you to feel you may deserve to be hurt?

I can tell from your post that you’re smart and aware of what’s truly healthy and not healthy in a relationship. I think you just haven’t learned what to do with this knowledge to create a happy and healthy relationship for yourself. It’s not something we just know how to do. If we haven’t had an example of healthy relationships as we’re growing up then where would we learn? You needed to learn how to drive a car and use a computer, this is just another new skill to learn. And if you’d like to learn I’d truly like to teach you. My personal email is Christine@ThePerfectCatch.com

Wishing you all the best,

Coach Christine

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