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Very confused

Published on November 10, 2012 by yvette1974

I'm in a good relationship with a nice man for a year now and every thing seems to be going well. We were friends for about 2 years before we became more. Before our relationship started he told me about his female best friend that he has for 13 years so I knew before the relationship and I was totally cool with it and felt there would be problems. And for 6 months there was none but a issue came about where they were together and a lie resulted from it and then came more lies and they all about them being together. If this is only a friendship I don't understand why he can't be honest when he interacts with her. I have not given him any reason to think that I'm insecure about their friendship when we are together the subject of her doesn't even come up. So is it that he's scared of my reaction if he tells me or is there something more going on? I love him and it seems if I stay with him I will have to accept that if he's with her he will not tell me about it or he will lie. I don't think I can do that

ANSWERS

Honesty and trust are the most important things in a relationship. If you can't trust your partner, then the relationship is doomed. You need to have a heart to heart with your man and let him know that if he can't be honest, then the relationship is in serious trouble. You will know what to do after hearing his response. Listen to your intuition and gut.

Male/female best friendships are common amongst teens and people in their early twenties, when people arent' in a long term relationship with anyone, but look around. How many adult couples who have been together for years and years, have a best friend of the opposite sex? I don't know of any, because it wouldn't work. Male/female friendships have a different dynamic. I would never be with a man who had a female best friend who he went and spent time with on his own. Even if they were not attracted to each other, I'm supposed to be his best friend, and I just could not accept a strong female friendship like this.

Couples are meant to have group friends that they can all hang out with, or of course, friends of the same sex that each person hangs with. Get out of this relationship now, before you invest more of your precious time with it. If you're not happy now, don't expect change. There are men out there who don't have a female best friend. You'll find a man who meets all of your main needs, but you need to be single first. Good luck.

You already know intuitively that there is something more to their relationship and as a result, he is not completely emotionally vulnerable to you. The level of intimacy that should be reserved for a couple is not fully present in your relationship because he is dividing this closeness between you and this other woman. You deserve much more in love and I do encourage you to not settle for this type of arrangement. The right man will know where those boundaries are in love and will want a completely exclusive relationship with you. He will be open and honest with you. Anything that is secretive is not positive in love and will eventually come to the surface. Please do not allow your rational mind to talk you out of what you already know in your heart.

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